Idol Survivor: "You, My Girl"

[halfshellvenus]

You, My Girl
idol survivor | daily-fic challenge, day 2 | 139 words

x-x-x-x-x

Toes in the sand,
you dig and scoop and sculpt,
engrossed in your artistry
as with every creation
you will make
in the many years to come.

In and out of the waves
you run like a colt,
a sprite, a shining girl,
never noticing
the bone-deep cold
mottling your skin
even under the warmth
of the summer sun.

Your fingers in mine
are soft and perfect
as we walk the shore,
seeking treasures
raised from the sea
by the churning tide.

This will not last.

Before long, your hand—
your heart—
will be too restless
to remain by my side.

In and out of the house
you will run, a young woman
called by her friends, her future,
never noticing
the bone-deep ache
under my goodbyes
even though this is who
I helped you grow up to become.


--/--

Comments

[halfshellvenus]

First, I am so, SO glad to see you out and about! Sean said he'd talked to you recently, and I was about to DM again to see how you were doing. I've checked your Instagram a few times, just to see if you were active over there, but nothing as of last Friday. I'm so glad you're doing better and are able to be around at least a little bit. ♥

As much as we want our kids to be full, independent adults, it is SO hard to watch the years go by faster and faster and to witness the loss of those younger versions of our children. They're so sweet and so pure, and that period where we matter as much to them as they do to us is so very short. I think of 3-year-old James from your stories, and know how much you much miss him like an ache. I think of the Instagram picture you posted of the neighbor cat who comes out to greet him whenever he walks by, and I know that there will come a time when you'll feel pangs over that. It's impossible not to.

But oh, so tough. I think only a parent truly understands what that's like.

I'm so sorry you're not here in the final 3, and I so thought you would be. Your health hung on for so much longer than it had before, and I really hoped it would go all the way to the end this time. It's just so unfair. :(

[bsgsix]

Thank you, love! I know I just replied to your other post, but I didn't want to ignore your kindness here, either. <3

I talked to Sean on Instagram via messages, though I haven't gone into full detail about my health. It's just been a LOT, and I'm processing things (though it's getting - easier, or I am accepting it more). I begin infusions for SPMS on 4/26 of Mitoxantrone, a potent chemo drug that helps slow SPMS, and which my docs think may buy me a few more years of walking. And my 2-day in-hospital sleep study for Type 1 Narcolepsy is on 4/14, so - a lot is happening, and I'm just very tired in many ways. But at least I had my first COVID vaccine, so I'm eager for 4/10 to get the second one and be finished with that! I'll still keep a mask on in public, of course, especially with chemo.

And I absolutely agree. We want our kids to be these full, ready-to-go adults, but... it's so fast. Painfully quick. It's this total joy to watch James figure out geometry, but then, a bit of sadness to remember when he used to delight in things like organizing stuffed animals. It changes. Though James is such an old soul that no matter what age - 3, 13, 93 - I think all the neighborhood cats will come out and over to him to share company. He's just that kind of person. I'm grateful. <3

You are so kind - thank you! I would have loved to have joined you in the final 3, and had some hope health wouldn't interfere. I'm glad I was able to write while I could, though. If there's a lower-stress version that happens over the summer (winter is always so bad for me!) - I'm pretty sure I'll be back. You know I don't like to give up! <3