Idol Survivor: "You, My Girl"

[halfshellvenus]

You, My Girl
idol survivor | daily-fic challenge, day 2 | 139 words

x-x-x-x-x

Toes in the sand,
you dig and scoop and sculpt,
engrossed in your artistry
as with every creation
you will make
in the many years to come.

In and out of the waves
you run like a colt,
a sprite, a shining girl,
never noticing
the bone-deep cold
mottling your skin
even under the warmth
of the summer sun.

Your fingers in mine
are soft and perfect
as we walk the shore,
seeking treasures
raised from the sea
by the churning tide.

This will not last.

Before long, your hand—
your heart—
will be too restless
to remain by my side.

In and out of the house
you will run, a young woman
called by her friends, her future,
never noticing
the bone-deep ache
under my goodbyes
even though this is who
I helped you grow up to become.


--/--

Comments

[murielle]

Aw! Sadly true for all mothers, everywhere.

Lovely!

*Hugs*

[halfshellvenus]

It is-- just pure heartbreak, no matter how much you try to slow time down!

[bleodswean]

Yes, yes, yes. Beautiful, K.

Have you and G seen "About Time"?

[halfshellvenus]

Thank you so much!

I thought you might like this one, and by "like," I mean that it might speak right to your heart in a piercingly familiar way. *sob*

We have not seen that! Is it good?

I never really wish I could time-travel to change things, but to revisit times (experiences) that I miss? Oh, yes. Especially where the kids are concerned--I feel that so terribly often. :(

[bleodswean]

It's an incredibly poignant experience, K. You've done such a great job of capturing it here.

You must watch About Time as soon as you can.

[alycewilson]

Awww! I feel this. Sometimes my heart hurts, watching my son grow older and knowing he'll be heading out on his own in time.

[halfshellvenus]

It's so hard. And even when you try to cherish those moments as much as you can, the years still go by far too fast!

[adoptedwriter]

Oh my goodness! Yes! Hugs.

[halfshellvenus]

I'm sure you know the feeling all too well! Oh, it's rough.

[gunwithoutmusic]

This was so beautiful. It brought my mind to my niece, who is four-and-a-half years old. On Sunday, my husband and I were having lunch at my parents' house (we're trying to make it "a thing," these Sunday lunches, trying to spend more time with family), and my father had connected his laptop to the TV and was going through his Google Photos. Originally, the point was to show us some videos of the concert that my mom and dad had attended on Friday, but he ended up scrolling through a few years worth of photos and videos, and there were a few of my niece on the beach, just running around, digging in the sand, rolling around in it - she is just obsessed with the beach!

It's funny because my sister and I both hate the beach - I've warmed back up to the idea of beach days lately, but I still hate the sand. I hate that it gets in everything, I hate that it ends up all over my car for what seems like weeks afterward, I just hate it so much. My sister shares those sentiments, but she still takes her daughter out to the beach when they're visiting Florida because my niece just loves it so much. I have to admit that watching her pure unadulterated joy when she's playing in the sand makes me see the appeal a little bit. This was just great. :)

[halfshellvenus]

Thank you so much! I wondered if this might bring your niece to mind, and the pangs are so much stronger when you're a parent whose child has passed through teenhood and beyond. Children are so incredibly sweet when they're little, and as they get older, that fades, of course. But you still remember the person they were at that age, at all the ages-- a series of different little instances of your child, and you love and miss every one of them individually.

I always loved the beach as a kid, and my Dad hated it, so sometimes my mother would take just us kids to the cabin for the weekend. If he was along, my Dad would come out once or twice and make a driftwood fire for roasting hotdogs and marshmallows. But mostly, he just stayed indoors.

As an adult, the sand sometimes gets on my nerves, especially if we happen to be at the Central Oregon coast in the summer, because it can be windy there. Blowing sand is the worst. But with the kids, we always had rattan mats to set things on, and folding chairs for the grown-ups, and I kept the sand away from the food and off the mats. Plus, we kept a "wiping off" towel in the car that was just used for dusting the sand off our bodies before leaving for the day. That eliminates a LOT of the grief, even if you're a family that lives in sunblock, like ours.

It's funny--one of my nemeses when the kids were little was the sand at their daycare and at school. It's this rough, reddish-brown, clayish stuff that stains everything if it happens to get wet. SO much hate. And I'd never encountered sand like that before. The sand in Oregon, and the rest of the Pacific coast, is silver sand! There's no dirt or chunks in it at all!

The first time we took our son to the beach in Oregon, he was almost two. He stumbled on the way up a dune we were crossing to get to shore, and then he lay there and rubbed his arms and legs over that warm, silky, silver sand like he was making a sand angel. He was clearly luxuriating in the feeling of it.

My mother was right behind him, and she just smiled and said, "I'll wait with him until he's ready to go again." I think she truly understood what he was feeling. :)

[bsgsix]

Oh, yes. This is beautiful and heartbreaking. I'm really starting to feel it with James, who will be 10 this October and is so independent that I barely saw him this past weekend. He was busy hiking with his grandfather, or playing outside, or just doing his own thing. As much as I want him to grow and flourish and be this amazing adult... it's fast. It's all too fast, and it sometimes breaks my heart. All those first photos - I'd take 10 pictures of him a day when he was born. Now, I'm lucky if I take 10 a month.

This is truly beautiful.

Apologies for not replying much - I'm still pretty sleepy and out of it. But with the season winding down, I'm trying. Congrats on the top 3, my dear friend. I wish I had been around and well enough to have either joined (if I could have made it that far) or to have supported you more. <3

[halfshellvenus]

First, I am so, SO glad to see you out and about! Sean said he'd talked to you recently, and I was about to DM again to see how you were doing. I've checked your Instagram a few times, just to see if you were active over there, but nothing as of last Friday. I'm so glad you're doing better and are able to be around at least a little bit. ♥

As much as we want our kids to be full, independent adults, it is SO hard to watch the years go by faster and faster and to witness the loss of those younger versions of our children. They're so sweet and so pure, and that period where we matter as much to them as they do to us is so very short. I think of 3-year-old James from your stories, and know how much you much miss him like an ache. I think of the Instagram picture you posted of the neighbor cat who comes out to greet him whenever he walks by, and I know that there will come a time when you'll feel pangs over that. It's impossible not to.

But oh, so tough. I think only a parent truly understands what that's like.

I'm so sorry you're not here in the final 3, and I so thought you would be. Your health hung on for so much longer than it had before, and I really hoped it would go all the way to the end this time. It's just so unfair. :(

[bsgsix]

Thank you, love! I know I just replied to your other post, but I didn't want to ignore your kindness here, either. <3

I talked to Sean on Instagram via messages, though I haven't gone into full detail about my health. It's just been a LOT, and I'm processing things (though it's getting - easier, or I am accepting it more). I begin infusions for SPMS on 4/26 of Mitoxantrone, a potent chemo drug that helps slow SPMS, and which my docs think may buy me a few more years of walking. And my 2-day in-hospital sleep study for Type 1 Narcolepsy is on 4/14, so - a lot is happening, and I'm just very tired in many ways. But at least I had my first COVID vaccine, so I'm eager for 4/10 to get the second one and be finished with that! I'll still keep a mask on in public, of course, especially with chemo.

And I absolutely agree. We want our kids to be these full, ready-to-go adults, but... it's so fast. Painfully quick. It's this total joy to watch James figure out geometry, but then, a bit of sadness to remember when he used to delight in things like organizing stuffed animals. It changes. Though James is such an old soul that no matter what age - 3, 13, 93 - I think all the neighborhood cats will come out and over to him to share company. He's just that kind of person. I'm grateful. <3

You are so kind - thank you! I would have loved to have joined you in the final 3, and had some hope health wouldn't interfere. I'm glad I was able to write while I could, though. If there's a lower-stress version that happens over the summer (winter is always so bad for me!) - I'm pretty sure I'll be back. You know I don't like to give up! <3

[rayaso]

You're right -- it did break my heart. Nothing has hurt as much as the children leaving home, even though we raised them to be independent and wanting to leave. It is a hard job.

[halfshellvenus]

I know. If you do parenting right, you make yourself almost entirely obsolete. But oh, how it hurts to lose the people they were in those younger years, and all of the wonderful time we spent with them. :(

I wish I could bottle it, and go back and relive it again and again...

[swirlsofpurple]

The ache of this is beautifully put

[halfshellvenus]

Thank you!

I think this is a pain that is all-too-familiar to a lot of parents, especially once their children are older and have left the house or are on the verge of it. *sigh*

[flipflop_diva]

Gahhhh. I am dreading those days! I try to remember during the moments that Ellie is driving me crazy because she won't put her shoes on or eat her breakfast that she is not going to be this small for long and I need to treasure every moment. She's already somehow two and it's hard to remember when she used to be so super tiny.

But ughhh, this was painful to read, and I don't want that day to come.

Well done!

[halfshellvenus]

It is SUCH heartbreak when they go off to college (and our oldest is still living 10 hours from here where she went to college, and is now doing law school remotely). Even while trying to cherish all of those moments as they happen (and she was not a particularly frustrating child at ALL), it still goes by much too fast.

I miss who our daughter was as a baby, and at 1, and 2, and every age before she left home. All of those ages are like individual little people, and I loved them all. I wish I could visit them all over again. *sigh*