LJ Idol Prize Fight: "Annie"
Apr. 23rd, 2019 04:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
halfshellvenusAnnie
idol prize fight | week 21 | 2065 words
OK
x-x-x-x-x
No one ever said you could lose your parents. At first, it sounded like losing your stuffed rabbit by leaving it at the mall the way some baby would, and you would never be that careless. But it didn't happen like that. Instead, your parents lost themselves. They drove into a ditch on a rainy Saturday, and there was nothing you could do to stop it.
So now you are here, at your Uncle Denny's house in Pennsylvania, with its no-swing-set yard and his smelly old dog. You don't even have your own room now, you're sharing with your big sister. Also, there are peas, and you hate peas.
Sometimes you wonder if any of it is real.
Uncle Denny seems nice enough, but... So much is missing. Your sister Robin says he just doesn't understand kids. We have to be grateful, Robin says— because at least we are not Orphans. So you try.
But you are still angry and sad, and you know you are never going home again.
Robin is twelve, and you are grateful for her. You couldn't stand it if you'd lost her too. Robin hugs you when you cry, and she reads you stories at night and tucks you in. It isn't quite the way Mommy did it, but it's close. She tries.
It's more than your Uncle Denny does. He has never tried, not once.
Robin goes to school during the day, so you stay at Mrs. Allen's. There's a two-year-old there who always takes your toys. Now Annie, we have to share, Mrs. Allen says. But it's not sharing if only one of you does it. Then it's stealing.
You tell this to Robin one night, and she smiles one of those far-away smiles. "I remember going through this when you were two."
"So what happened?"
"You got better, around age three," she says.
So maybe there is hope for that kid yet. But in the meantime, you stop taking your own toys to Mrs. Allen's. Except for Mr. Bun, because he is a Special Toy and the rules for that are different.
One day, you ask Uncle Denny to buy broccoli at the grocery store, because you never have broccoli anymore. He's surprised you like it, because he hates it.
"The way I hate peas?" you ask.
After that, broccoli shows up at dinner once in a while, and if there are peas, you don't have to eat them anymore. He even learns how to make meatloaf, because it's your favorite.
The weather gets warmer in the spring, and you find out the dog isn't smelly after he's had a bath. Max likes going for walks and chasing after sticks, and he's always happy to see you.
When you need to talk about things like missing Mommy and Daddy, or not wanting to live in stupid Pennsylvania, he's a really good listener, too. You don't have to worry about making him sad.
Uncle Denny starts making pancakes on Sundays, and you think it's about time. But you're supposed to be polite, so all you say is Thank you. Sometimes he even watches Saturday morning cartoons with you and Max and Mr. Bun.
When summer comes, Robin still has to go to school, which doesn't seem fair. She says it's only for this year, because she missed so much after the accident. She doesn't have as much homework, though, so it's better than regular school. She even gets a day off each week, and you both stay home together. A couple of times, you even make brownies.
She's been smiling more lately. You think maybe you have too.
One weekend, Robin spends the night at a friend's house, which is very not good. You worry about sleeping alone in your room, even though you always did that before. You ask Uncle Denny to read you a bedtime story, and it's not bad. He even does the voices.
Afterward, he tucks you in. You don't wake up 'til morning.
Your birthday comes in July, and you are ready and not ready at the same time. It's not that you thought your parents would come back, not really, but so what if you did? You're just a little kid.
There are games and cupcakes at Mrs. Allen's, and Uncle Denny buys an ice-cream cake and a Barbie Close & Go House you've wanted forever. But you still can't help crying off and on all day. You know this isn't how it's supposed to be.
Robin lets you sleep in her bed that night, which you haven't done in months. It's better the next day, but you still feel sad and tired. You never knew a birthday could be so hard.
Robin's summer school finishes a month later, and Uncle Denny decides to take you on vacation to a lake. It is big—not as big as the ocean, but big. He teaches you how to swim and catch tadpoles, and Robin learns to canoe. Max runs in and out of the lake and tries to steal your hot dogs.
You haven't laughed this much in a long time. You'd forgotten how it felt.
On the way home, Uncle Denny says you have to go to school in a month, like Robin. "But I don't want to," you say. The two-year-old at Mrs. Allen's is still annoying, but the other kids are fun and Mrs. Allen has pretty good toys.
"You have to, though," Uncle Denny says. "It's the law."
You thought school was for older kids who got tired of playing, like maybe when they were six or seven. But how can it be this soon? Nobody ever tells you anything, even though you are five now. Apparently there are Rules.
But rules are stupid.
It doesn't keep Uncle Denny from driving you to school in the Fall. He and Robin walk you up to the door of your classroom and meet your teacher, but then they leave because they have to go to Robin' s school.
"It's nice to meet you, Annie," the teacher says. "Go ahead and find a seat."
You just stand there. This is a lot of kids. You've never seen so many kids your own age sitting in one place.
Some of them look kind of scared, though, and that makes you feel less scared. You sit next to a little girl with blond pigtails who is wearing a blue dress.
At recess, she asks you to play.
Kindergarten is not as bad as you thought. After a few weeks, you decide it's sort of okay. lt hasn't killed you.
It's still not as good as playing, and you can't believe there are kids who don't know their colors and numbers by now. How can you be five and not know what a five looks like? But learning all the letters and their sounds is okay, and the art projects are good.
You talk to the other kids, and find out that some of their families are different, too. Chloe just has a Mommy, and Joshua lives with his grandmother. Some of the kids' parents are divorced, and others fight a lot. But most of the kids seem to be doing okay. Maybe you will, too.
You spot a classmate getting a piggyback ride at the school carnival, and you remember when Daddy used to do that. You pretended he was a wild pony, and you would laugh and hold on tight. The feeling of his warm, strong back and the leftover smell of his shaving-cream hit you, and suddenly you are crying so hard you can't stop.
Robin holds you and Uncle Denny asks what's wrong. "I m-miss D-Daddy," you say.
That makes Robin cry too, and Uncle Denny hugs you both. You go home early, with nothing but a Tootsie Pop for a prize.
When October comes, Uncle Denny asks what you want to be for Halloween. You don't know yet, so the two of you look on the computer for costume ideas. It turns out that Uncle Denny loves Halloween, and is looking forward to going trick-or-treating with you. You wind up choosing a Red Riding Hood costume, of all things.
Robin has a party to go to on Halloween night, but you put on your costume and go out trick-or-treating with Uncle Denny and Max. You carry a wicker basket and skip from door-to-door, with Max beside you as your tiny wolf. You come home tired and happy, with an enormous load of candy. Uncle Denny says it's the best Halloween he's had since he was a kid.
He even lets you sleep in your cape.
For Thanksgiving, Uncle Denny asks what you and Robin want to do. He says he knows family holidays are going to be hard, so he doesn't mind ignoring Thanksgiving this year and doing something different. It has never been one of your favorite holidays, so maybe you don't care as much, but you can tell Robin's feeling sad.
The three of you decide to have Blanks-giving this year, instead. You wear pajamas all day and play Candyland and watch movies. That afternoon, you feast on fried chicken and chocolate cake. It is a much better day than any of you expected.
You are not sure how you feel about Christmas. You're excited, but the thought of Christmas without your parents makes you cry. You make snowmen with Uncle Denny and cookies with Robin, and Uncle Denny makes sure you both write Christmas lists.
But when he takes you to see Santa, you tell Santa you only want your Mommy and Daddy back. That makes Santa cry.
Everyone tells you that you're not in trouble, but you don't know whether to believe them. You go shopping with Uncle Denny to buy presents for Robin, and that makes you feel better. You want Robin to have a good Christmas.
Robin asks the mother of one of her friends to take the two of you to the mall to shop for Uncle Denny, which is sneaky and very smart. You tell her you're proud of her, and she laughs and says she's proud of you, too.
You buy Uncle Denny a matching winter hat, scarf, and mittens, to help him make snowmen and take Max on walks. They are very, very red.
You make cocoa on Christmas Eve, and set out cookies for Santa, just in case he still comes after what happened during your visit. Then you and Robin put on your hats and warm coats, and go outside to look at the moonlit snow.
"Do you think Mommy and Daddy miss us too?" you ask.
"Yes," Robin says. "But they're in Heaven now, and I think they see us even though we can't see them."
"You do? How?"
"There," she says, pointing at the sky. "I think they're up there, watching us from the stars."
The stars...
You don't feel quite so alone, then, and you realize the two of you are going to be all right. You hug Robin through your puffy coat, and you spin slow circles under the moon. Then you go inside and get ready for bed, and snuggle down under the covers to wait for Christmas.
You slip out of bed the next morning and go into the living room. Max wags his tail when he sees you. You're the only ones awake.
The lights on the Christmas tree are on, filling the room with a warm glow. Your stocking is full, and so are Robin's and Uncle Denny's and even the little red stocking you put out for Max. There are new presents since last night, and you bounce with happiness. Santa came after all!
"Merry Christmas, Annie," Uncle Denny says, rubbing his eyes and yawning.
"Merry Christmas, Uncle Denny!" you say, running over and hugging his legs tight.
"Should we see what Santa brought you?" he asks.
"Yes!" you shout.
You sit down to open your stocking, with Max leaning against your side. There is candy and stickers and a pretty charm bracelet with a seahorse and starfish. "Ooh," you say, and Uncle Denny laughs.
This isn't the Christmas you used to have, and it never will be. It can't.
But you have people who love you, and Max, and it's better than when you first came here. It's good and you're happy.
You and Robin are going to be okay.
--/--
If you enjoyed this story, you can vote for it along with other fine entries here.
idol prize fight | week 21 | 2065 words
OK
x-x-x-x-x
No one ever said you could lose your parents. At first, it sounded like losing your stuffed rabbit by leaving it at the mall the way some baby would, and you would never be that careless. But it didn't happen like that. Instead, your parents lost themselves. They drove into a ditch on a rainy Saturday, and there was nothing you could do to stop it.
So now you are here, at your Uncle Denny's house in Pennsylvania, with its no-swing-set yard and his smelly old dog. You don't even have your own room now, you're sharing with your big sister. Also, there are peas, and you hate peas.
Sometimes you wonder if any of it is real.
Uncle Denny seems nice enough, but... So much is missing. Your sister Robin says he just doesn't understand kids. We have to be grateful, Robin says— because at least we are not Orphans. So you try.
But you are still angry and sad, and you know you are never going home again.
Robin is twelve, and you are grateful for her. You couldn't stand it if you'd lost her too. Robin hugs you when you cry, and she reads you stories at night and tucks you in. It isn't quite the way Mommy did it, but it's close. She tries.
It's more than your Uncle Denny does. He has never tried, not once.
Robin goes to school during the day, so you stay at Mrs. Allen's. There's a two-year-old there who always takes your toys. Now Annie, we have to share, Mrs. Allen says. But it's not sharing if only one of you does it. Then it's stealing.
You tell this to Robin one night, and she smiles one of those far-away smiles. "I remember going through this when you were two."
"So what happened?"
"You got better, around age three," she says.
So maybe there is hope for that kid yet. But in the meantime, you stop taking your own toys to Mrs. Allen's. Except for Mr. Bun, because he is a Special Toy and the rules for that are different.
One day, you ask Uncle Denny to buy broccoli at the grocery store, because you never have broccoli anymore. He's surprised you like it, because he hates it.
"The way I hate peas?" you ask.
After that, broccoli shows up at dinner once in a while, and if there are peas, you don't have to eat them anymore. He even learns how to make meatloaf, because it's your favorite.
The weather gets warmer in the spring, and you find out the dog isn't smelly after he's had a bath. Max likes going for walks and chasing after sticks, and he's always happy to see you.
When you need to talk about things like missing Mommy and Daddy, or not wanting to live in stupid Pennsylvania, he's a really good listener, too. You don't have to worry about making him sad.
Uncle Denny starts making pancakes on Sundays, and you think it's about time. But you're supposed to be polite, so all you say is Thank you. Sometimes he even watches Saturday morning cartoons with you and Max and Mr. Bun.
When summer comes, Robin still has to go to school, which doesn't seem fair. She says it's only for this year, because she missed so much after the accident. She doesn't have as much homework, though, so it's better than regular school. She even gets a day off each week, and you both stay home together. A couple of times, you even make brownies.
She's been smiling more lately. You think maybe you have too.
One weekend, Robin spends the night at a friend's house, which is very not good. You worry about sleeping alone in your room, even though you always did that before. You ask Uncle Denny to read you a bedtime story, and it's not bad. He even does the voices.
Afterward, he tucks you in. You don't wake up 'til morning.
Your birthday comes in July, and you are ready and not ready at the same time. It's not that you thought your parents would come back, not really, but so what if you did? You're just a little kid.
There are games and cupcakes at Mrs. Allen's, and Uncle Denny buys an ice-cream cake and a Barbie Close & Go House you've wanted forever. But you still can't help crying off and on all day. You know this isn't how it's supposed to be.
Robin lets you sleep in her bed that night, which you haven't done in months. It's better the next day, but you still feel sad and tired. You never knew a birthday could be so hard.
Robin's summer school finishes a month later, and Uncle Denny decides to take you on vacation to a lake. It is big—not as big as the ocean, but big. He teaches you how to swim and catch tadpoles, and Robin learns to canoe. Max runs in and out of the lake and tries to steal your hot dogs.
You haven't laughed this much in a long time. You'd forgotten how it felt.
On the way home, Uncle Denny says you have to go to school in a month, like Robin. "But I don't want to," you say. The two-year-old at Mrs. Allen's is still annoying, but the other kids are fun and Mrs. Allen has pretty good toys.
"You have to, though," Uncle Denny says. "It's the law."
You thought school was for older kids who got tired of playing, like maybe when they were six or seven. But how can it be this soon? Nobody ever tells you anything, even though you are five now. Apparently there are Rules.
But rules are stupid.
It doesn't keep Uncle Denny from driving you to school in the Fall. He and Robin walk you up to the door of your classroom and meet your teacher, but then they leave because they have to go to Robin' s school.
"It's nice to meet you, Annie," the teacher says. "Go ahead and find a seat."
You just stand there. This is a lot of kids. You've never seen so many kids your own age sitting in one place.
Some of them look kind of scared, though, and that makes you feel less scared. You sit next to a little girl with blond pigtails who is wearing a blue dress.
At recess, she asks you to play.
Kindergarten is not as bad as you thought. After a few weeks, you decide it's sort of okay. lt hasn't killed you.
It's still not as good as playing, and you can't believe there are kids who don't know their colors and numbers by now. How can you be five and not know what a five looks like? But learning all the letters and their sounds is okay, and the art projects are good.
You talk to the other kids, and find out that some of their families are different, too. Chloe just has a Mommy, and Joshua lives with his grandmother. Some of the kids' parents are divorced, and others fight a lot. But most of the kids seem to be doing okay. Maybe you will, too.
You spot a classmate getting a piggyback ride at the school carnival, and you remember when Daddy used to do that. You pretended he was a wild pony, and you would laugh and hold on tight. The feeling of his warm, strong back and the leftover smell of his shaving-cream hit you, and suddenly you are crying so hard you can't stop.
Robin holds you and Uncle Denny asks what's wrong. "I m-miss D-Daddy," you say.
That makes Robin cry too, and Uncle Denny hugs you both. You go home early, with nothing but a Tootsie Pop for a prize.
When October comes, Uncle Denny asks what you want to be for Halloween. You don't know yet, so the two of you look on the computer for costume ideas. It turns out that Uncle Denny loves Halloween, and is looking forward to going trick-or-treating with you. You wind up choosing a Red Riding Hood costume, of all things.
Robin has a party to go to on Halloween night, but you put on your costume and go out trick-or-treating with Uncle Denny and Max. You carry a wicker basket and skip from door-to-door, with Max beside you as your tiny wolf. You come home tired and happy, with an enormous load of candy. Uncle Denny says it's the best Halloween he's had since he was a kid.
He even lets you sleep in your cape.
For Thanksgiving, Uncle Denny asks what you and Robin want to do. He says he knows family holidays are going to be hard, so he doesn't mind ignoring Thanksgiving this year and doing something different. It has never been one of your favorite holidays, so maybe you don't care as much, but you can tell Robin's feeling sad.
The three of you decide to have Blanks-giving this year, instead. You wear pajamas all day and play Candyland and watch movies. That afternoon, you feast on fried chicken and chocolate cake. It is a much better day than any of you expected.
You are not sure how you feel about Christmas. You're excited, but the thought of Christmas without your parents makes you cry. You make snowmen with Uncle Denny and cookies with Robin, and Uncle Denny makes sure you both write Christmas lists.
But when he takes you to see Santa, you tell Santa you only want your Mommy and Daddy back. That makes Santa cry.
Everyone tells you that you're not in trouble, but you don't know whether to believe them. You go shopping with Uncle Denny to buy presents for Robin, and that makes you feel better. You want Robin to have a good Christmas.
Robin asks the mother of one of her friends to take the two of you to the mall to shop for Uncle Denny, which is sneaky and very smart. You tell her you're proud of her, and she laughs and says she's proud of you, too.
You buy Uncle Denny a matching winter hat, scarf, and mittens, to help him make snowmen and take Max on walks. They are very, very red.
You make cocoa on Christmas Eve, and set out cookies for Santa, just in case he still comes after what happened during your visit. Then you and Robin put on your hats and warm coats, and go outside to look at the moonlit snow.
"Do you think Mommy and Daddy miss us too?" you ask.
"Yes," Robin says. "But they're in Heaven now, and I think they see us even though we can't see them."
"You do? How?"
"There," she says, pointing at the sky. "I think they're up there, watching us from the stars."
The stars...
You don't feel quite so alone, then, and you realize the two of you are going to be all right. You hug Robin through your puffy coat, and you spin slow circles under the moon. Then you go inside and get ready for bed, and snuggle down under the covers to wait for Christmas.
You slip out of bed the next morning and go into the living room. Max wags his tail when he sees you. You're the only ones awake.
The lights on the Christmas tree are on, filling the room with a warm glow. Your stocking is full, and so are Robin's and Uncle Denny's and even the little red stocking you put out for Max. There are new presents since last night, and you bounce with happiness. Santa came after all!
"Merry Christmas, Annie," Uncle Denny says, rubbing his eyes and yawning.
"Merry Christmas, Uncle Denny!" you say, running over and hugging his legs tight.
"Should we see what Santa brought you?" he asks.
"Yes!" you shout.
You sit down to open your stocking, with Max leaning against your side. There is candy and stickers and a pretty charm bracelet with a seahorse and starfish. "Ooh," you say, and Uncle Denny laughs.
This isn't the Christmas you used to have, and it never will be. It can't.
But you have people who love you, and Max, and it's better than when you first came here. It's good and you're happy.
You and Robin are going to be okay.
--/--
If you enjoyed this story, you can vote for it along with other fine entries here.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-24 12:29 am (UTC)I think they are all going to be okay.
Nicely done, K. You got into your writing groove with this one and just did not stop until you were done. That's always nice! Just the right length with the right amount of detail.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-24 07:38 am (UTC)This is such a tragic situation, with no one knowing who to be or how to behave. With so much resting on the shoulders of an older sibling (a child herself) and an overnight father, I can see things getting off to a rocky start but slowly getting better as they all figure out how to make their new family arrangement work.
Where there is love, there is always hope. :)
no subject
Date: 2019-04-24 10:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 06:03 pm (UTC)But for a lot of parents, as soon as a baby comes home, you're in uncharted territory. You love, you try, and you learn as you go.
The love makes all the difference. :)
Thanks for reading and commenting!
no subject
Date: 2019-04-24 08:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 06:11 pm (UTC)This was a younger child than I usually write, and it's fun but also a challenge. It's kind of a dual-brain activity, feeling the child's POV and then drawing out the parts that will be striking because they're different from the reader's typical POV.
That very, very red hat/scarf/mitten set? That would seem awesome to a little kid, but adults will look at that and think that unless Uncle Denny really likes red, that's kind of a horrific choice. :)
no subject
Date: 2019-04-24 10:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 06:12 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for reading and commenting! ♥
no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 11:50 am (UTC)Santa cried! So many feels...
no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 06:14 pm (UTC)Oh, can you imagine being a mall Santa and being hit with something like that? It would be so heartbreaking, and you would feel SO powerless. And you'd know that the little child sitting on your lap thinks you have all the magic in the world to make that impossible thing happen. *sniffle*
no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 04:02 pm (UTC)This touched me in many (good) ways. 😊✌🎈🎀 Thanks for that!
no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 06:18 pm (UTC)So glad you enjoyed this, despite the heartbreak. ♥
no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 09:17 pm (UTC)Very well done on this one. I was hooked from the first sentence and couldn't look away even if I wanted.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 10:12 pm (UTC)I'm hoping the seriousness and heartbreak don't put voters off. I mostly write humor, but I had nothing humorous this week that would have approached the quality of what this needed to be.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 10:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 10:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 09:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 10:19 pm (UTC)I think this is one of my strongest pieces this season, even though I've written humor for pretty much everything apart from the horror story. But none of the other 4 ideas I had were as cmpelling as this one.
*hugs* to you for the tears and your sweet, sweet words!
no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 10:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 10:30 pm (UTC)I like to put the fiction/non-fiction tags on stories because the first time I wrote dramatic fiction for Idol, people thought it was non-fiction, and they were feeling bad for me over something that wasn't real, and felt embarrassed by the sensation of having misled them. It helps to be up-front, I think!
I remember having the occasional orphan fantasy as a kid. ;) Not for long periods of time, but once in a while. Probably mainly for the idea of being free of my younger sister, who was the favorite child. But having to give up my older siblings would have been too hard!
no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 10:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 10:56 pm (UTC)Most of my thoughts along those lines had to do with those same desires as you mentioned. Wanting not to be boxed-in between the effect my parents' choices had on me and their criticism of my failure to adapt (such as, moving multiple times and then having trouble making friends because I was the only introvert among the kids). Your mother's meal situation would have been just maddening! My Dad was fat-phobic, and that bled over into his and my mother's treatment of me as the only child with a weight problem. In my early teens, I started boycotting my mother's cooking (in part because she so often made things I hated, as if she just couldn't be bothered to care), and I drew the line on going out to dinner once a week, as my Dad always wanted to go out around 7-ish, which meant we would not get actual food until about 7:30 and by then I would have eaten half the bread-basket and still been in utter misery as my blood sugar kept sliding toward doom...
And wanting not to be micro-controlled, which is something my mother started when I entered my teens-- due, as I later found out, to a bunch of mistakes my oldest sister made and also due to her never really understanding who I was and how firmly I rejected peer pressure.
I went away to college at 16 because I had the transcript to be able to, and because I had had enough.
It's funny, though--apart from the micro-controlling and the weight nagging, my parents tended to be "disinterested" parents. But that isn't the same as letting your children be independent, and it really damages your self-esteem. :(
no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 10:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-25 11:24 pm (UTC)As always, thanks for reading and commenting. :)