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halfshellvenusAll Anticipation
Idol Wheel of Chaos | Week 17, #4 | 2227 words
Banner Year
x-x-x-x
"These are the best years of your life," Lanie's mother always said. With her senior year of high school just a few months along, it seemed as if her mother was right.
Lanie was kneeling on the floor of the art room, working on the Homecoming banner for the game this weekend. She was dating the quarterback, and was every bit as invested in Homecoming as he was. Her best friend Chloe was there with her, helping out and keeping her company. Chloe's boyfriend was on the basketball team, so she was more interested in painting neat letters than what the banner represented.
"How do you think you did on the SATs this time?" Chloe said.
"I feel like the math went better?" Lanie said, "And I'm hoping that will be enough."
"I can't believe you took it twice. I mean, your original score was better than mine!"
"I just want to have the best options for where to go to college," Lanie said. "Could you hand me the yellow?"
Chloe passed the can of paint. "Well, there's always Podunk U."
"Don't remind me. My dad went there–it's why my mom keeps reminding me not to settle."
"She chose him, though," Chloe said.
Lanie moved around to the other side of the mural. "Yeah, but we all thought he was a better person than he actually turned out to be…"
When Homecoming happened that weekend, Lanie was a little surprised when her boyfriend, Ryan, was crowned Homecoming King without her. Gaby Prentiss was chosen as the Queen, which was a little weird, but whatever. Ryan was always the popular one, anyway, and he seemed happy. His team had won, he was the King, and everybody loved him. Lanie just counted herself lucky that she somehow fit into his charmed life.
Lanie's SAT scores came back in early November, and they had improved enough that she was able to apply to Princeton, Stanford, and Brown. She and her mom spent weeks filling out scholarship applications to all of them, as well as several safety schools. Lanie's ambitions were big, but the budget for tuition and housing was not.
"Where's Ryan going?" her mother asked. "Or does he even know yet?"
"Probably anywhere that gives him a full-ride football scholarship," Lanie said. "He's had a really good season."
"And Chloe?"
"Local," Lanie said. "She never does very well on tests."
"Oh, that's too bad. Maybe she can transfer somewhere else after a couple of years."
"Maybe…" Lanie said.
The Monday after Thanksgiving, Ryan got an early-decision scholarship offer to UC Berkeley. He accepted it, and Lanie sent in an application of her own. They probably wouldn't wind up at the same school, but they'd been dating for the last two years. It couldn't hurt to try.
December was studying and finals, and then suddenly it was Christmas.
Ryan gave her a beautiful gold necklace a couple of days before the twenty-fifth. "I know you usually spend Christmas Eve with your Dad, and I wanted you to know I'll be thinking about you, in case it doesn't go so well."
Lanie was touched, especially because her time at her Dad's turned out to be the usual wall-to-wall reminder that her Dad didn't really "get" her and probably never would.
When she got home late on the twenty-fourth, Lanie discovered her mom still putting the lights on the Christmas tree.
"I'm sorry, honey. I'm running behind this year. Things have been so busy!"
"It's okay," Lanie said. "You look tired. Do you want me to finish up?"
"That would be wonderful," her mom said. "Thank you, sweetheart."
Christmas Day was just the two of them, the same as it had been for the last twelve years. They opened presents, watched movies, and ordered Chinese takeout, and then dozed on the sofa after dinner until bedtime.
Lanie spent the rest of the break going to after-Christmas sales with Chloe, ice-skating with Ryan, and reading one of the books on the list for spring semester's AP English. She and her mother slept in most mornings, and had French toast and omelettes for brunch.
School started again in January, and soon Lanie was as busy as ever. Her schedule was good. Ryan was in her Trig class, keeping her head above water. Chloe shared History and French with her, and then a couple of friends from elementary school were in Chemistry and Study Hall. They all holed up in the library after school, helping each other do homework. Still, Lanie went home every night with multiple assignments.
One night, she got home around six, and noticed that the house was dark even though her mom's car was on the driveway.
She opened the front door. "Mom?" she called.
"In here," her mom said from the living room. "Sorry– I decided to lie down for a few minutes, but I must have fallen asleep. I haven't even started dinner!"
"No problem," Lanie said. "I'll make us some grilled cheese sandwiches."
But three days later, the same thing happened again.
"I don't know what's the matter with me," her mom said. "I've just been so tired lately."
Lanie's heart sank. "Mom…" she said. "I think you need to see a doctor."
On Valentine's Day, Lanie and Ryan had dinner reservations at La Riviera before the school dance. Instead, that wound up being the day Lanie's mother found out that she had breast cancer. She broke the news when Lanie came home after school.
"Oh, my god!" Lanie reached for her mother, and they held each other and cried.
Finally, Lanie pulled back and took a deep breath. She searched her mother's face. "How… bad is it?" she asked.
"Stage three," her mom answered. "The doctor said my chances are pretty good, but I don't know what to think."
"I'll be with you for all of it," Lanie promised.
"I know, sweetheart. I know."
Her mother's job had never sounded very interesting to Lanie, but she was suddenly grateful for its benefits package. Her mom worked around the chemo treatments for weeks until she just became too sick to keep going, and then she went on leave.
On weekday mornings, Lanie got up early to get everything ready for her mother, and then came home right after school to tend to her and make dinner. Most of her teachers were very understanding if she had to leave in the middle of the day, and would send homework via Ryan or Chloe.
Their neighbor, Mrs. Topek, usually came over to check on Lanie's mom around lunchtime. That was an enormous help. And most surprising of all were the people who brought over lasagnas and casseroles–including Lanie's stepmother, Sarah.
"I don't know what I'd do if I had to go through this," Sarah said. "And besides, your mom is the only other person who understands what it's like being married to your father. I respect her for that."
"People are being so kind," Lanie told Ryan once, when he was over to help her clean the house.
"Well, your mom is really nice," he said. "I think she'd do the same for her neighbors if they were in her shoes."
Senior Prom happened. Lanie's heart wasn't in it, but her mother wanted her to go and Ryan was really looking forward to it. The whole night washed over Lanie like some kind of dream, but what stuck was coming downstairs with her dress and special hairstyle, and seeing her mother's face light up. She had never really understood before just how much her own happiness and important milestones brought her mother joy.
It was not that different, she thought, from when her mother burst out laughing, even after everything she'd been through. It always made Lanie feel surprised and elated now. Complete.
By late May, the tumors were small enough for Lanie's mother to have a mastectomy. The two of them discussed the timing for it.
"If I have the surgery now, I won't be well in time to go to your graduation," Lanie's mother said.
Lanie was torn. She wanted her mother there, but also worried that the tumors would have more time to grow–not to mention the problem of her mother being immuno-compromised at a crowd event.
"Whatever you decide," Lanie told her mother. "I'm more afraid of the added risks than anything, but you have to do what feels right for you."
Ryan solved the problem for both of them. He had a friend on Junior Varsity who was good with computers, and who got permission to live-stream the graduation with his phone.
"I still feel bad, missing your big day," Lanie's mom said. "And I'd hoped to throw a party for you afterwards."
"That's okay. There'll still be a party, now that Sarah's convinced Dad to host it at their house instead. She's really stepped up these last few months."
"That's because of you," Lanie's mom said.
Lanie laughed. "I think it might be for both of us," she said. "Dad's still hopeless, but his track record on picking good women is looking pretty good."
Lanie's mom had her surgery in June, and started radiation treatment in July.
"I don't know why I still feel so sick all the time," she said one morning, lying curled up on the floor of the bathroom. "I finished chemo two months ago. I thought it would get better."
Lanie rubbed her back. "You've been through a lot, and your body is still fighting. But you're winning."
"I wish it felt like it," her mom muttered softly.
It was only later, talking to Chloe, that Lanie could voice her worries. "What if she doesn't make it?" Lanie said. "I'm scared I'm going to lose her."
"Have you talked to her about it?"
Lanie's eyes stung. "I can't," she said. "She has so much to deal with already. It's not fair for her to have to handle my doubts on top of that…"
Lanie spent the summer looking after her mom. Mrs. Topek still came over around lunch sometimes, and Lanie used the opportunity to visit Ryan at the sporting goods store where he worked. They sat outside together during his breaks and talked.
"You're probably not going to Berkeley with me this fall, are you?" he said one day.
"No…" Lanie sighed. "I'm sorry. I need to get a deferment until next year. I just can't leave her while she's going through this."
Ryan squeezed her hand. "It's okay. I understand," he said.
"For a while, I thought maybe I could take classes locally this year, since I'll be here anyway. But what if she starts feeling worse? Or runs out of sick leave?"
"You're doing the right thing," Ryan said, "without question. It'll just be hard not seeing each other."
"I know," Lanie said. She'd often thought about how lonely the last year would have been without Ryan and Chloe to help her through it. She also knew that as much as she loved and depended on Ryan, her current limitations weren't fair to him. "Please don't wait for me when you get to college, though," Lanie said. "Live your life and enjoy it, like a regular freshman. Do it for both of us."
Ryan nodded thoughtfully. "Maybe," he said. "But I can't make any promises."
Lanie's mother was shivering on the sofa when she got back. "Let's go outside and get you warm," Lanie said.
They sat on the porch and watched the kids playing across the street.
"I used to love seeing you and your cousins run around the yard together," Lanie's mom said. "I'm so sorry they moved away after your grandmother died."
"Me too," Lanie said. "It was never the same after they left."
"Well, your dad moved out around the same time. That might've had something to do with it."
"I don't really know," Lanie said. "Danny and Susie were so much fun! But Dad was mostly angry."
"I never expected it to be just us," her mom said. "I thought at least your Dad would be here, or that I might meet someone else."
"You still might!" Lanie said. "You're barely past forty–there's lots of time. But even so, I never felt like anything was missing. You were all I ever needed."
Lanie's mom smiled and sniffled. "You too, sweetheart." She put her arms around Lanie and hugged her. "I don't know what I would have done without you. I'm just sorry your big year turned out like this!"
"Don't be," Lanie said. "I know things didn't go the way we expected, but nothing will ever be more important than this. And I didn't really miss out on anything."
"But you were supposed to be going to college next month!"
Lanie smiled and shook her head. "College will still happen. I might even get my feet wet at the local U this winter, if the rest of your treatment goes well."
Her mom brightened up. "That would be wonderful!" she said. "Oh, I hope that works out. And think how happy Chloe would be to have you there."
Lanie leaned her head against her mother's shoulder. "I would really like that, too." She squeezed her mother's hand gently. "See? It'll all work out.
"And somehow, I'll find a way to convince Chloe that my being there isn't permanent!"
–/–
If you enjoyed this story, please vote for my Portfolio here!
Idol Wheel of Chaos | Week 17, #4 | 2227 words
Banner Year
x-x-x-x
"These are the best years of your life," Lanie's mother always said. With her senior year of high school just a few months along, it seemed as if her mother was right.
Lanie was kneeling on the floor of the art room, working on the Homecoming banner for the game this weekend. She was dating the quarterback, and was every bit as invested in Homecoming as he was. Her best friend Chloe was there with her, helping out and keeping her company. Chloe's boyfriend was on the basketball team, so she was more interested in painting neat letters than what the banner represented.
"How do you think you did on the SATs this time?" Chloe said.
"I feel like the math went better?" Lanie said, "And I'm hoping that will be enough."
"I can't believe you took it twice. I mean, your original score was better than mine!"
"I just want to have the best options for where to go to college," Lanie said. "Could you hand me the yellow?"
Chloe passed the can of paint. "Well, there's always Podunk U."
"Don't remind me. My dad went there–it's why my mom keeps reminding me not to settle."
"She chose him, though," Chloe said.
Lanie moved around to the other side of the mural. "Yeah, but we all thought he was a better person than he actually turned out to be…"
When Homecoming happened that weekend, Lanie was a little surprised when her boyfriend, Ryan, was crowned Homecoming King without her. Gaby Prentiss was chosen as the Queen, which was a little weird, but whatever. Ryan was always the popular one, anyway, and he seemed happy. His team had won, he was the King, and everybody loved him. Lanie just counted herself lucky that she somehow fit into his charmed life.
Lanie's SAT scores came back in early November, and they had improved enough that she was able to apply to Princeton, Stanford, and Brown. She and her mom spent weeks filling out scholarship applications to all of them, as well as several safety schools. Lanie's ambitions were big, but the budget for tuition and housing was not.
"Where's Ryan going?" her mother asked. "Or does he even know yet?"
"Probably anywhere that gives him a full-ride football scholarship," Lanie said. "He's had a really good season."
"And Chloe?"
"Local," Lanie said. "She never does very well on tests."
"Oh, that's too bad. Maybe she can transfer somewhere else after a couple of years."
"Maybe…" Lanie said.
The Monday after Thanksgiving, Ryan got an early-decision scholarship offer to UC Berkeley. He accepted it, and Lanie sent in an application of her own. They probably wouldn't wind up at the same school, but they'd been dating for the last two years. It couldn't hurt to try.
December was studying and finals, and then suddenly it was Christmas.
Ryan gave her a beautiful gold necklace a couple of days before the twenty-fifth. "I know you usually spend Christmas Eve with your Dad, and I wanted you to know I'll be thinking about you, in case it doesn't go so well."
Lanie was touched, especially because her time at her Dad's turned out to be the usual wall-to-wall reminder that her Dad didn't really "get" her and probably never would.
When she got home late on the twenty-fourth, Lanie discovered her mom still putting the lights on the Christmas tree.
"I'm sorry, honey. I'm running behind this year. Things have been so busy!"
"It's okay," Lanie said. "You look tired. Do you want me to finish up?"
"That would be wonderful," her mom said. "Thank you, sweetheart."
Christmas Day was just the two of them, the same as it had been for the last twelve years. They opened presents, watched movies, and ordered Chinese takeout, and then dozed on the sofa after dinner until bedtime.
Lanie spent the rest of the break going to after-Christmas sales with Chloe, ice-skating with Ryan, and reading one of the books on the list for spring semester's AP English. She and her mother slept in most mornings, and had French toast and omelettes for brunch.
School started again in January, and soon Lanie was as busy as ever. Her schedule was good. Ryan was in her Trig class, keeping her head above water. Chloe shared History and French with her, and then a couple of friends from elementary school were in Chemistry and Study Hall. They all holed up in the library after school, helping each other do homework. Still, Lanie went home every night with multiple assignments.
One night, she got home around six, and noticed that the house was dark even though her mom's car was on the driveway.
She opened the front door. "Mom?" she called.
"In here," her mom said from the living room. "Sorry– I decided to lie down for a few minutes, but I must have fallen asleep. I haven't even started dinner!"
"No problem," Lanie said. "I'll make us some grilled cheese sandwiches."
But three days later, the same thing happened again.
"I don't know what's the matter with me," her mom said. "I've just been so tired lately."
Lanie's heart sank. "Mom…" she said. "I think you need to see a doctor."
On Valentine's Day, Lanie and Ryan had dinner reservations at La Riviera before the school dance. Instead, that wound up being the day Lanie's mother found out that she had breast cancer. She broke the news when Lanie came home after school.
"Oh, my god!" Lanie reached for her mother, and they held each other and cried.
Finally, Lanie pulled back and took a deep breath. She searched her mother's face. "How… bad is it?" she asked.
"Stage three," her mom answered. "The doctor said my chances are pretty good, but I don't know what to think."
"I'll be with you for all of it," Lanie promised.
"I know, sweetheart. I know."
Her mother's job had never sounded very interesting to Lanie, but she was suddenly grateful for its benefits package. Her mom worked around the chemo treatments for weeks until she just became too sick to keep going, and then she went on leave.
On weekday mornings, Lanie got up early to get everything ready for her mother, and then came home right after school to tend to her and make dinner. Most of her teachers were very understanding if she had to leave in the middle of the day, and would send homework via Ryan or Chloe.
Their neighbor, Mrs. Topek, usually came over to check on Lanie's mom around lunchtime. That was an enormous help. And most surprising of all were the people who brought over lasagnas and casseroles–including Lanie's stepmother, Sarah.
"I don't know what I'd do if I had to go through this," Sarah said. "And besides, your mom is the only other person who understands what it's like being married to your father. I respect her for that."
"People are being so kind," Lanie told Ryan once, when he was over to help her clean the house.
"Well, your mom is really nice," he said. "I think she'd do the same for her neighbors if they were in her shoes."
Senior Prom happened. Lanie's heart wasn't in it, but her mother wanted her to go and Ryan was really looking forward to it. The whole night washed over Lanie like some kind of dream, but what stuck was coming downstairs with her dress and special hairstyle, and seeing her mother's face light up. She had never really understood before just how much her own happiness and important milestones brought her mother joy.
It was not that different, she thought, from when her mother burst out laughing, even after everything she'd been through. It always made Lanie feel surprised and elated now. Complete.
By late May, the tumors were small enough for Lanie's mother to have a mastectomy. The two of them discussed the timing for it.
"If I have the surgery now, I won't be well in time to go to your graduation," Lanie's mother said.
Lanie was torn. She wanted her mother there, but also worried that the tumors would have more time to grow–not to mention the problem of her mother being immuno-compromised at a crowd event.
"Whatever you decide," Lanie told her mother. "I'm more afraid of the added risks than anything, but you have to do what feels right for you."
Ryan solved the problem for both of them. He had a friend on Junior Varsity who was good with computers, and who got permission to live-stream the graduation with his phone.
"I still feel bad, missing your big day," Lanie's mom said. "And I'd hoped to throw a party for you afterwards."
"That's okay. There'll still be a party, now that Sarah's convinced Dad to host it at their house instead. She's really stepped up these last few months."
"That's because of you," Lanie's mom said.
Lanie laughed. "I think it might be for both of us," she said. "Dad's still hopeless, but his track record on picking good women is looking pretty good."
Lanie's mom had her surgery in June, and started radiation treatment in July.
"I don't know why I still feel so sick all the time," she said one morning, lying curled up on the floor of the bathroom. "I finished chemo two months ago. I thought it would get better."
Lanie rubbed her back. "You've been through a lot, and your body is still fighting. But you're winning."
"I wish it felt like it," her mom muttered softly.
It was only later, talking to Chloe, that Lanie could voice her worries. "What if she doesn't make it?" Lanie said. "I'm scared I'm going to lose her."
"Have you talked to her about it?"
Lanie's eyes stung. "I can't," she said. "She has so much to deal with already. It's not fair for her to have to handle my doubts on top of that…"
Lanie spent the summer looking after her mom. Mrs. Topek still came over around lunch sometimes, and Lanie used the opportunity to visit Ryan at the sporting goods store where he worked. They sat outside together during his breaks and talked.
"You're probably not going to Berkeley with me this fall, are you?" he said one day.
"No…" Lanie sighed. "I'm sorry. I need to get a deferment until next year. I just can't leave her while she's going through this."
Ryan squeezed her hand. "It's okay. I understand," he said.
"For a while, I thought maybe I could take classes locally this year, since I'll be here anyway. But what if she starts feeling worse? Or runs out of sick leave?"
"You're doing the right thing," Ryan said, "without question. It'll just be hard not seeing each other."
"I know," Lanie said. She'd often thought about how lonely the last year would have been without Ryan and Chloe to help her through it. She also knew that as much as she loved and depended on Ryan, her current limitations weren't fair to him. "Please don't wait for me when you get to college, though," Lanie said. "Live your life and enjoy it, like a regular freshman. Do it for both of us."
Ryan nodded thoughtfully. "Maybe," he said. "But I can't make any promises."
Lanie's mother was shivering on the sofa when she got back. "Let's go outside and get you warm," Lanie said.
They sat on the porch and watched the kids playing across the street.
"I used to love seeing you and your cousins run around the yard together," Lanie's mom said. "I'm so sorry they moved away after your grandmother died."
"Me too," Lanie said. "It was never the same after they left."
"Well, your dad moved out around the same time. That might've had something to do with it."
"I don't really know," Lanie said. "Danny and Susie were so much fun! But Dad was mostly angry."
"I never expected it to be just us," her mom said. "I thought at least your Dad would be here, or that I might meet someone else."
"You still might!" Lanie said. "You're barely past forty–there's lots of time. But even so, I never felt like anything was missing. You were all I ever needed."
Lanie's mom smiled and sniffled. "You too, sweetheart." She put her arms around Lanie and hugged her. "I don't know what I would have done without you. I'm just sorry your big year turned out like this!"
"Don't be," Lanie said. "I know things didn't go the way we expected, but nothing will ever be more important than this. And I didn't really miss out on anything."
"But you were supposed to be going to college next month!"
Lanie smiled and shook her head. "College will still happen. I might even get my feet wet at the local U this winter, if the rest of your treatment goes well."
Her mom brightened up. "That would be wonderful!" she said. "Oh, I hope that works out. And think how happy Chloe would be to have you there."
Lanie leaned her head against her mother's shoulder. "I would really like that, too." She squeezed her mother's hand gently. "See? It'll all work out.
"And somehow, I'll find a way to convince Chloe that my being there isn't permanent!"
–/–
If you enjoyed this story, please vote for my Portfolio here!
no subject
Date: 2025-12-23 07:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-12-23 07:31 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. It means a lot to me.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-23 08:53 pm (UTC)But yeah, this piece really did speak to me. And it came off perfectly, IMO.