LJ Idol: Wheel of Chaos: "A New Man"
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halfshellvenusA New Man
Idol Wheel of Chaos | Week 10 | 2440 words
Intrigant (one who intrigues or is involved in intrigue)
x-x-x-x-x
Winslow Johnson was a middle-aged man in a Midwestern city who suffered from being constantly overlooked. Even his name, which should have been interesting, somehow wasn't. People noticed it for half a second, and then slid right off into "Eh…" It was unusual, but somehow also blah, like Winslow himself.
Sometimes, Winslow wondered if he was invisible.
He worked as a shoe salesman at J. C. Penney, a job that was even less exciting than it sounded. Penney's specialized in 'sensible' and 'matronly,' with a large overlap between the two. Winslow had also never cared for feet, which only made the job more unpleasant. He had tried feigning enthusiasm for them before, but found that it only made him seem weirder.
What he needed, Winslow thought, was a personality transplant.
At office parties and in the breakroom at work, he never seemed to have anything to talk about. He had hobbies, and they weren't anything desperate like collecting string. But when he mentioned his tiny herb garden or he invited someone to spend the day watching trains with him, he got nothing but blank stares in return. Why couldn't he be like Dave from Home and Garden, who was a sports nut and knew how to make people laugh? Or like Janet from Housewares, who was always up-to-date on new movies and the popular TV shows?
Winslow had no idea how to solve his problem. There were no classes for that sort of thing, no magic potions that could make a difference. The only thing he could think of was to go to the bookstore and consult the self-help section. The quantity of selections was overwhelming:
"The You You Are," by Dr. Ricken Lazlo Hale.
What? Winslow thought.
"You Are Special, Yes You Are!" by Bitsy McLintock.
Winslow cringed, and kept surveying the shelves.
"Why You Suck, And How To Stop," by Chad Barton.
Huh. The title was kind of harsh, but didn't it basically describe his problem? And if anyone would know how to be cool, it would be someone named Chad. Winslow picked the book up and started leafing through it.
Chapter 1
Why You Suck and Nobody Likes You
You're creepy. You're boring. You smell bad. Do any of these sound familiar? The suckee is always the last to know.
Oh, no! Winslow thought. Could one of those be his problem? Or worse, all of them?
He decided to buy the book. Clearly, his problem was bigger than he'd thought. Winslow paid the cashier and drove home, eager to get to work.
He found a notepad and a pen, and sat down in a living room chair, ready to take notes and to absorb Barton's words of wisdom. He started reading again:
Are you forgettable, or always a bit much? Where does your sense of personal style fall?
Winslow looked down at his brown polyester suit and loud tie. Looks like I'm somewhere between used car salesman and office drone, he thought, and neither one of those is good.
To project an air of success, aim for "jock" in casual settings and "corporate lawyer" in professional ones.
Winslow wondered whether "jock" meant gym clothes, which didn't seem very successful to him. And who could afford to dress like a corporate lawyer?
Dress like you want to be noticed, but not as if you're trying to scare someone.
Clearly, Winslow was going to have to do research. And probably shell out for some new clothes, too.
He finished the chapter, vowing to upgrade his wardrobe and spend more time in the shower. Then he kept going.
Chapter 2
Hobbies and Downtime
Are some of your hobbies things you only do by yourself? Are all of them? Do you even want to get along with other people?
Consider how you spend your leisure time and what that says about you. Do you race-walk for exercise? Unless you're an Olympic competitor, that means you've chosen to be weird on purpose. Stop it!
Dull hobbies are almost as off-putting as weird ones. If you are overly invested in trains, keep it to yourself. If you have a screw collection, just know that no-one else is interested in that.
Winslow thought about what Barton was saying. It was possible he was doomed. So he liked to spend time on bridges taking pictures of trains going by–where was the harm in that? What was so bad about trains, anyway? Then he thought about the looks he got whenever he started to talk about them. They were definitely conversation-killers. It pained Winslow to admit it, but maybe Chad had a point.
He looked around his apartment. There were a lot of pictures of trains–maybe too many? It was clearly his main decorating theme. Also brown, which– now that he really thought about it– was not exactly an inviting color.
Maybe some of the money he'd set aside to create a model-train village in the basement ought to be spent on himself instead.
Well, he clearly had a busy weekend ahead of him. Just thinking about it was overwhelming. He decided to tackle it in the morning, but first he looked up what "jock" and "preppy" styles were.
Oh, THAT. Well. What else could you expect from someone named Chad?
The next morning, Winslow bought himself some polo shirts and a pair of khaki pants and shorts at Penney's, using his employee discount. He also bought some ankle socks, since he'd noticed that seemed to be a thing, too. He couldn't do much about his business clothes, not on a shoe salesman's salary, but he bought a couple of nicer-looking ties.
With the wardrobe taken care of, he felt better already. He went home again, and got to work on his apartment.
That was harder, because he really liked trains. He decided to switch them around so that his favorites were on the walls, and packed the rest in a box for the closet. There were only a few bare spots now, which wasn't too bad. He thought about what other people used for decoration. Sports stuff, probably— wasn't it always sports? Fine. He didn’t hate football. He could put up a Bengals poster to start with.
It wasn’t that he ever really had anyone over, but Winslow was committed to changing his focus to more typical things. Maybe then he would find some common ground with other people.
Eventually, he'd do something about the brown-on-brown color scheme. Maybe add some colorful throw pillows? But he'd done what he could for the moment, so he picked up "Why You Suck" again and kept on reading.
Chapter 3
Better Yourself
Admit it, you could look better. And you should. I'm not just talking about basic hygiene or a good haircut.
If your body type runs to praying mantis, eat something! Ice cream will help— it's loaded with calories.
If not, then you should definitely lose some weight. Even if you think you look pretty good, you probably don't, or you wouldn't be reading this book. Five to ten pounds can firm up a soft stomach. If you need to lose more than that, what's stopping you? Genetics? Show those pounds who's boss!
Exercise can make you feel better and give you more energy, and you'll need it to help you get through all the work you have to do to stop sucking. If you already exercise, use it to help you socialize better, because you're obviously no good at that.
I knew it! Winslow thought. Everything always came down to exercise. He could pick up a book on model airplanes, and eventually it would tell him to get up and move. Fine, I'll go for a walk a few times a week. Starting now. He got up and headed out the door.
The weather wasn't too bad, he noticed, and there were lots of people out just at his apartment complex. He saw that someone was hosting a potluck barbecue that night, with an open invitation to everyone who lived there. Maybe I'll go. Hey, why not? What have I got to lose?
Winslow walked down to the river and sat on a bench. There was a light breeze blowing, and it was nice just to be outside.
Later, he put on his new khaki shorts and one of the polo shirts, and went to the store to pick up some hot dogs and buns for the barbecue. At checkout time, he was surprised when the cashier seemed to actually look at him instead of through him. Was he no longer invisible? He smiled and stood a little taller.
At the barbecue, he made an effort to say hello to everyone he knew and to introduce himself to those he didn't. He tried to keep in mind what he'd learned from Chapter 4, Conversations:
Rapport is not about exchanging factoids. Smile and listen. Let other people talk.
He didn't mention trains even once, and he noticed that people didn't seem to be in a hurry to get away from him. By the end of the night, his face hurt from smiling, but he felt better about himself. So, this is what it's like, he thought.
Winslow finished the book over the weekend, and started applying its teachings. Work was still work, but he felt more confident about how his customers and coworkers perceived him. He went for walks during his morning breaks, and enjoyed stretching his legs. He listened to his coworkers chit-chatting during the afternoon ones, and paid more attention to the things they said and did.
On the weekends, he went grocery-shopping in his preppy clothes and felt almost important. A pretty woman even smiled at him in the produce section, once. He also stopped by the library bulletin board a couple of times to see what was happening that he might want to be part of. That resulted in his signing up for a Wednesday night cooking class at the community college.
Winslow didn't know if he was a "cooking" kind of person, but he wasn't terrible at it. He wasn't a beginner. Besides, the book had led him to be more open-minded about these kinds of opportunities. What's the worst that could happen? he thought. It was his new mantra. He added a night class in Spanish, too. At least they would get him out of the house.
There were men and women of varying ages in both classes, from all sorts of backgrounds. Winslow found he enjoyed spending time with them and discovering all the reasons they were there. Many of them said they liked trying new things, and those were often the people who were most interesting to talk to.
He actually made a couple of friends in both classes. Jack, from Spanish, offered to teach him about woodworking, and even had his own garage wood shop setup. Winslow's cooking partner, Deedee, got him involved in pub quizzes, and that was where he met Sally.
Sally was a secretary at one of the big accounting firms in town. "I'm not a math whiz myself, but I know a little more than most people," she said.
"I always liked math," Winslow said. "And history."
"Me too!" Sally said. "History is who we are!"
Within a couple of weeks, they were dating.
Winslow liked how smart Sally was, and he liked her energy and sense of adventure. He introduced her to hiking ("It's like walking, except with a view!") and his favorite hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant. Sally got him hooked on the comic genius of Leslie Nielsen and taught him how to make her grandmother's lasagna.
One day, she came over with some pillows and knick-knacks to add some color to his apartment. As she was moving things around for a vase, she suddenly noticed Barton's book.
"Wow." She picked it up and started looking through it. "What does a guy like you need with a book like this?"
Winslow flushed. He'd almost forgotten how much he used to rely on Barton's words, even though it had only been seven months since he first read them.
"You'd be surprised," he said. "I used to have trouble meeting and talking to people. It really helped me get out of my own head."
"So, you weren't always this great, social person? That seems so unlikely!"
"No, it's true," Winslow said. "I'm more involved in things now, and I have a lot more confidence. I mean, sometimes I worry that this is just a fake version of me, but it doesn't feel fake. I'm in control of my life now, and I enjoy it a whole lot more."
He took the book from Sally and turned it over and over in his hands. "Plus, I never would have met you without it," he said.
Sally smiled shyly. "It sounds like it worked," she said. "Maybe you should send him a thank-you note?"
Winslow laughed. "With that ego?" he said. "So he can become even more insufferable than he already is? How about,
Dear asshole. You fixed me. Way to go, dude!"
Sally laughed, and Winslow put the book back on the shelf. "Sunday Night Football's on in an hour," he said. "Want to get some exercise of our own in before then?"
But later that night, he thought about the book again and how far he'd come. Who was this Chad Barton, who'd had so much power over him?
He picked up the book, and re-read its final exhortation: You can do this. And he knew he really had.
Then he turned to the About The Author section, with its picture of a guy in his late thirties who looked like a former quarterback. He skimmed through Chad's description of his family and his other book ("Get Off Your Butt And Own Your Career"), And then, buried near the end, these surprising words:
If you've read this far, you might be surprised to know I was once like you–more of a chud than a Chad. But these are the things that helped me, and if you work on them, they'll help you too. So, get moving. And if you've found your success, then burn this and no one will ever know.
Winslow had missed that last step, but he figured donating the book to the library was just as good.
And best of all, the person who knew the truth had taken it in stride. He'd worked hard to get where he was, but he'd also been luckier than a guy like Chad would ever know.
–/–
There's no poll this week, as it's a contestant-only vote.
Idol Wheel of Chaos | Week 10 | 2440 words
Intrigant (one who intrigues or is involved in intrigue)
x-x-x-x-x
Winslow Johnson was a middle-aged man in a Midwestern city who suffered from being constantly overlooked. Even his name, which should have been interesting, somehow wasn't. People noticed it for half a second, and then slid right off into "Eh…" It was unusual, but somehow also blah, like Winslow himself.
Sometimes, Winslow wondered if he was invisible.
He worked as a shoe salesman at J. C. Penney, a job that was even less exciting than it sounded. Penney's specialized in 'sensible' and 'matronly,' with a large overlap between the two. Winslow had also never cared for feet, which only made the job more unpleasant. He had tried feigning enthusiasm for them before, but found that it only made him seem weirder.
What he needed, Winslow thought, was a personality transplant.
At office parties and in the breakroom at work, he never seemed to have anything to talk about. He had hobbies, and they weren't anything desperate like collecting string. But when he mentioned his tiny herb garden or he invited someone to spend the day watching trains with him, he got nothing but blank stares in return. Why couldn't he be like Dave from Home and Garden, who was a sports nut and knew how to make people laugh? Or like Janet from Housewares, who was always up-to-date on new movies and the popular TV shows?
Winslow had no idea how to solve his problem. There were no classes for that sort of thing, no magic potions that could make a difference. The only thing he could think of was to go to the bookstore and consult the self-help section. The quantity of selections was overwhelming:
"The You You Are," by Dr. Ricken Lazlo Hale.
What? Winslow thought.
"You Are Special, Yes You Are!" by Bitsy McLintock.
Winslow cringed, and kept surveying the shelves.
"Why You Suck, And How To Stop," by Chad Barton.
Huh. The title was kind of harsh, but didn't it basically describe his problem? And if anyone would know how to be cool, it would be someone named Chad. Winslow picked the book up and started leafing through it.
Why You Suck and Nobody Likes You
Oh, no! Winslow thought. Could one of those be his problem? Or worse, all of them?
He decided to buy the book. Clearly, his problem was bigger than he'd thought. Winslow paid the cashier and drove home, eager to get to work.
He found a notepad and a pen, and sat down in a living room chair, ready to take notes and to absorb Barton's words of wisdom. He started reading again:
- Teen rebel
- Jock/Preppy
- Hippie
- Used car salesman
- Office drone
- Corporate lawyer
- Undertaker
- Grandparent
Winslow looked down at his brown polyester suit and loud tie. Looks like I'm somewhere between used car salesman and office drone, he thought, and neither one of those is good.
Winslow wondered whether "jock" meant gym clothes, which didn't seem very successful to him. And who could afford to dress like a corporate lawyer?
Clearly, Winslow was going to have to do research. And probably shell out for some new clothes, too.
He finished the chapter, vowing to upgrade his wardrobe and spend more time in the shower. Then he kept going.
Hobbies and Downtime
Consider how you spend your leisure time and what that says about you. Do you race-walk for exercise? Unless you're an Olympic competitor, that means you've chosen to be weird on purpose. Stop it!
Dull hobbies are almost as off-putting as weird ones. If you are overly invested in trains, keep it to yourself. If you have a screw collection, just know that no-one else is interested in that.
Winslow thought about what Barton was saying. It was possible he was doomed. So he liked to spend time on bridges taking pictures of trains going by–where was the harm in that? What was so bad about trains, anyway? Then he thought about the looks he got whenever he started to talk about them. They were definitely conversation-killers. It pained Winslow to admit it, but maybe Chad had a point.
He looked around his apartment. There were a lot of pictures of trains–maybe too many? It was clearly his main decorating theme. Also brown, which– now that he really thought about it– was not exactly an inviting color.
Maybe some of the money he'd set aside to create a model-train village in the basement ought to be spent on himself instead.
Well, he clearly had a busy weekend ahead of him. Just thinking about it was overwhelming. He decided to tackle it in the morning, but first he looked up what "jock" and "preppy" styles were.
Oh, THAT. Well. What else could you expect from someone named Chad?
The next morning, Winslow bought himself some polo shirts and a pair of khaki pants and shorts at Penney's, using his employee discount. He also bought some ankle socks, since he'd noticed that seemed to be a thing, too. He couldn't do much about his business clothes, not on a shoe salesman's salary, but he bought a couple of nicer-looking ties.
With the wardrobe taken care of, he felt better already. He went home again, and got to work on his apartment.
That was harder, because he really liked trains. He decided to switch them around so that his favorites were on the walls, and packed the rest in a box for the closet. There were only a few bare spots now, which wasn't too bad. He thought about what other people used for decoration. Sports stuff, probably— wasn't it always sports? Fine. He didn’t hate football. He could put up a Bengals poster to start with.
It wasn’t that he ever really had anyone over, but Winslow was committed to changing his focus to more typical things. Maybe then he would find some common ground with other people.
Eventually, he'd do something about the brown-on-brown color scheme. Maybe add some colorful throw pillows? But he'd done what he could for the moment, so he picked up "Why You Suck" again and kept on reading.
Better Yourself
If your body type runs to praying mantis, eat something! Ice cream will help— it's loaded with calories.
If not, then you should definitely lose some weight. Even if you think you look pretty good, you probably don't, or you wouldn't be reading this book. Five to ten pounds can firm up a soft stomach. If you need to lose more than that, what's stopping you? Genetics? Show those pounds who's boss!
Exercise can make you feel better and give you more energy, and you'll need it to help you get through all the work you have to do to stop sucking. If you already exercise, use it to help you socialize better, because you're obviously no good at that.
I knew it! Winslow thought. Everything always came down to exercise. He could pick up a book on model airplanes, and eventually it would tell him to get up and move. Fine, I'll go for a walk a few times a week. Starting now. He got up and headed out the door.
The weather wasn't too bad, he noticed, and there were lots of people out just at his apartment complex. He saw that someone was hosting a potluck barbecue that night, with an open invitation to everyone who lived there. Maybe I'll go. Hey, why not? What have I got to lose?
Winslow walked down to the river and sat on a bench. There was a light breeze blowing, and it was nice just to be outside.
Later, he put on his new khaki shorts and one of the polo shirts, and went to the store to pick up some hot dogs and buns for the barbecue. At checkout time, he was surprised when the cashier seemed to actually look at him instead of through him. Was he no longer invisible? He smiled and stood a little taller.
At the barbecue, he made an effort to say hello to everyone he knew and to introduce himself to those he didn't. He tried to keep in mind what he'd learned from Chapter 4, Conversations:
He didn't mention trains even once, and he noticed that people didn't seem to be in a hurry to get away from him. By the end of the night, his face hurt from smiling, but he felt better about himself. So, this is what it's like, he thought.
Winslow finished the book over the weekend, and started applying its teachings. Work was still work, but he felt more confident about how his customers and coworkers perceived him. He went for walks during his morning breaks, and enjoyed stretching his legs. He listened to his coworkers chit-chatting during the afternoon ones, and paid more attention to the things they said and did.
On the weekends, he went grocery-shopping in his preppy clothes and felt almost important. A pretty woman even smiled at him in the produce section, once. He also stopped by the library bulletin board a couple of times to see what was happening that he might want to be part of. That resulted in his signing up for a Wednesday night cooking class at the community college.
Winslow didn't know if he was a "cooking" kind of person, but he wasn't terrible at it. He wasn't a beginner. Besides, the book had led him to be more open-minded about these kinds of opportunities. What's the worst that could happen? he thought. It was his new mantra. He added a night class in Spanish, too. At least they would get him out of the house.
There were men and women of varying ages in both classes, from all sorts of backgrounds. Winslow found he enjoyed spending time with them and discovering all the reasons they were there. Many of them said they liked trying new things, and those were often the people who were most interesting to talk to.
He actually made a couple of friends in both classes. Jack, from Spanish, offered to teach him about woodworking, and even had his own garage wood shop setup. Winslow's cooking partner, Deedee, got him involved in pub quizzes, and that was where he met Sally.
Sally was a secretary at one of the big accounting firms in town. "I'm not a math whiz myself, but I know a little more than most people," she said.
"I always liked math," Winslow said. "And history."
"Me too!" Sally said. "History is who we are!"
Within a couple of weeks, they were dating.
Winslow liked how smart Sally was, and he liked her energy and sense of adventure. He introduced her to hiking ("It's like walking, except with a view!") and his favorite hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant. Sally got him hooked on the comic genius of Leslie Nielsen and taught him how to make her grandmother's lasagna.
One day, she came over with some pillows and knick-knacks to add some color to his apartment. As she was moving things around for a vase, she suddenly noticed Barton's book.
"Wow." She picked it up and started looking through it. "What does a guy like you need with a book like this?"
Winslow flushed. He'd almost forgotten how much he used to rely on Barton's words, even though it had only been seven months since he first read them.
"You'd be surprised," he said. "I used to have trouble meeting and talking to people. It really helped me get out of my own head."
"So, you weren't always this great, social person? That seems so unlikely!"
"No, it's true," Winslow said. "I'm more involved in things now, and I have a lot more confidence. I mean, sometimes I worry that this is just a fake version of me, but it doesn't feel fake. I'm in control of my life now, and I enjoy it a whole lot more."
He took the book from Sally and turned it over and over in his hands. "Plus, I never would have met you without it," he said.
Sally smiled shyly. "It sounds like it worked," she said. "Maybe you should send him a thank-you note?"
Winslow laughed. "With that ego?" he said. "So he can become even more insufferable than he already is? How about,
Sally laughed, and Winslow put the book back on the shelf. "Sunday Night Football's on in an hour," he said. "Want to get some exercise of our own in before then?"
But later that night, he thought about the book again and how far he'd come. Who was this Chad Barton, who'd had so much power over him?
He picked up the book, and re-read its final exhortation: You can do this. And he knew he really had.
Then he turned to the About The Author section, with its picture of a guy in his late thirties who looked like a former quarterback. He skimmed through Chad's description of his family and his other book ("Get Off Your Butt And Own Your Career"), And then, buried near the end, these surprising words:
Winslow had missed that last step, but he figured donating the book to the library was just as good.
And best of all, the person who knew the truth had taken it in stride. He'd worked hard to get where he was, but he'd also been luckier than a guy like Chad would ever know.
–/–
There's no poll this week, as it's a contestant-only vote.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-21 08:13 pm (UTC)LOL Chad's book is both hilarious and true. You sure you don't want to write one with your username on the cover? HalfShellVenus' Words of Wisdom I'd buy it! (grin)
Dan
no subject
Date: 2025-09-21 11:26 pm (UTC)I hope this was all right to read, because it has extra formatting for the book excerpts. Sadly, I could not get those extras to include a different font! That used to be a thing in earlier versions of HTML, but apparently that's over. And the CSS equivalents are just ignored. Yay?
no subject
Date: 2025-09-22 02:37 am (UTC)Dan
no subject
Date: 2025-09-22 10:01 pm (UTC)I love how versatile you are in so many different genres!
no subject
Date: 2025-09-22 11:41 pm (UTC)That's definitely the hardest part. And I think we can get stuck on the fact that other people get there without having to work at it-- they just naturally have a higher social or emotional IQ, so it comes easy for them. How unfair!
Thanks, as always, for your very kind words!
no subject
Date: 2025-09-24 02:03 pm (UTC)I can't tell you how many people I wish I could say "you suck" to, especially at work. I will refrain though, even though it seems to have helped Winslow in this case (and Winslow didn't even suck at the beginning of this!)
no subject
Date: 2025-09-24 06:22 pm (UTC)I know what it's like to be continually overlooked in social situations. Most of my life was like that up through about age 19-20. It took me awhile to overcome shyness and get more comfortable with the unwritten rules of social interactions.
Winslow's 'fade into the background' style of dress doesn't help him, and really, putting yourself out there makes a huge difference. Kind of a "fake it 'til you make it" approach, where you gain confidence through doing hard things and then they become less hard.
But I don't think he sucked either, though that approach certainly got through to him!
no subject
Date: 2025-09-24 09:12 pm (UTC)Wonderful piece, as always. Really enjoyed this.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-25 02:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-09-25 01:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-09-25 02:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-09-25 05:54 pm (UTC)I very much enjoyed watching the evolution of this character and seeing him step into his own. It feels like it was inside of him all the time, but the book was the key that unlocked that door. It was very touching to see, and your humor was a fantastic element that really brought your story and character to life.
Wonderful work.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-25 06:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-09-25 09:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-09-25 09:16 pm (UTC)I'm glad you enjoyed both the humor and the sweetness, and it turns out that 'chud' is slang unrelated to C.H.U.D.s which happens to mean exactly what it sounds like. :D