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halfshellvenusGoing With The Flow
Idol Wheel Of Chaos | Week 4 | 1112 words
Figure of Speech
x-x-x-x-x
They called her a figure of speech, and let me tell you–what a figure she had! Yowza.
Ida and I met at a bus stop in Queens, both of us waiting for the number 54. As soon as I got a look at those baby blues and that long blond hair, I was smitten.
We sat together on the bus, watching the world go by. "It's raining cats and dogs!" she said. And you know what? It was. I was glad to be inside with her, instead of out there in the thick of it.
"Where are you headed?" I asked.
"Where the sun don't shine!" she answered.
It turned out she meant the post office, but she had a cute way of putting it.
I saw her again at the grocery store a week later. She was checking through her purse. "Can you spare a dime?" she asked. That dime was more like two bucks, but I was glad to help her out.
"I'd love to take you to the movies sometime," I said. "Would you like that?"
"It's the cat's pajamas!"
So, it was a date.
We had a terrific time at the movies, and went out for drinks afterward. By then, I felt like I was starting to get the hang of how she talked. Mostly.
We had a picnic in the park the next weekend, and she brought a basket and everything.
"Did you bring the eggs?" I asked, reaching for the lid.
She batted my hand away. "Never look a gift horse in the mouth."
Aw. "Does that mean No?"
"The devil's in the details," she said, which I took for a Yes– the devil in this case being mayo, mustard, and a little bit of pickle relish.
But when we finally got around to eating, I was a little disappointed to find out she meant deviled-ham sandwiches instead of deviled eggs.
"Better luck next time," she teased. Boy, she was something.
We started seeing each other a couple of times a week. We both liked a lot of the same things–cheap wine, the Yankees, and watching sunsets. A month later, we were shacking up together. Things were moving fast, but I was okay with that.
I took her home to meet the family.
"Hello," my mom said, as we walked in through the door.
Ida folded her hands around my mother's. "Home is where the heart is," she said warmly.
My parents seemed sort of confused by that, but I'd dated some real lulus in my time, and she was definitely an improvement.
Dinner was a little strange, but I thought it went pretty well. "She seems…sweet," Mom whispered as we left. I called that a success.
Not everyone took to her, though. We ran into my friend Pete at a diner, and I introduced them.
"Birds of a feather flock together," she said. "Bosom buddies?"
Pete stared at her. "Huh?"
"So, how's work going?" I asked.
"Great– I just closed a major deal selling a bunch of fleet cars to a law office."
"The bigger they are, the harder they fall!" Ida chirped.
Pete frowned and looked back at me. "And how about you?"
"People always need plumbers," I said. "Ida's looking for work, though."
"Back to the drawing board," Ida said sadly. "It's like pulling teeth…"
"Ida used to be a cashier at the Food Bazaar," I said.
"It's not rocket science," she agreed.
Pete pulled me aside. "What gives? Your girlfriend's an idiot."
"She's an Idiom!" I bristled. "You're the idiot!"
Pete stormed off muttering to himself. Good riddance.
I sighed. "Twenty years of friendship down the drain…"
"Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater," Ida pleaded. "Bury the hatchet?"
I scowled, but she could be very persuasive. "Maybe," I said. "We'll see."
Clearly, not everybody saw her the way I did. Still, we understood each other, her and me, and that's what mattered.
But then she met this other guy, some kinda whaddya call it–quotidian or something. Rusty had no words of his own, just stuff he stole from other people. The two of them broke it to me all calm and casual like I'd be understanding.
"You can't blame gravity for falling in love," Rusty said. "The only constant in life is change,"
"But Ida, sweetheart," I said, "I thought this was forever."
"All's fair in love and war," Rusty said, like that made it all right.
Ida seemed a little sorry, though. "Every cloud has a silver lining?" she said hopefully. "Things will look better in the morning…"
But then Rusty had the nerve to say, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
I figured he would love a knuckle sandwich, so I gave him one.
"Fools rush in!" he scolded.
I pointed a finger-gun at his bruised jaw. "Yes, you did."
Then the two of 'em rode off into the sunset together, leaving me holding the bag. Hot damn–she and I had been together so long, I even sounded like her.
I went through some dark days after that. It was just me, the TV, and bottle after bottle of rotgut for far too long. Months passed by, and the only thing that changed was the weather.
But one day, I found myself opening the blinds. The sun was out, and people were walking along the street. I decided to join them.
That was how I met her.
Sweet Caroline was what she called herself, and it was true. She was one of those people where no matter what life threw at them, she was happy to be there. And it was catching.
Sure, she liked the Knicks more than the Yankees, but I couldn't complain about that.
We had fun together. We walked in the park, we got ice cream at Eddie's, we danced to the radio on Saturday mornings. She moved in before long, and woke me up on weekdays with, "Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are callin'..."
She liked my parents, and there was no awkward conversation–though maybe some awkward singing.
We wanted the same things, and even talked about having kids. "Got any names picked out?" I asked her.
"Michelle, ma belle," she said, which was pretty enough. I didn't care so much about the particulars–I just felt lucky to have found a good thing twice.
"I fell in love on the night we met," she told me one night, and it was a revelation. I felt exactly the same way.
I had a good feeling about the two of us and our future together.
Someday my name and hers were going to be the same.
–/–
If you enjoyed this story, please vote for it along with any of your other favorites here.
Idol Wheel Of Chaos | Week 4 | 1112 words
Figure of Speech
x-x-x-x-x
They called her a figure of speech, and let me tell you–what a figure she had! Yowza.
Ida and I met at a bus stop in Queens, both of us waiting for the number 54. As soon as I got a look at those baby blues and that long blond hair, I was smitten.
We sat together on the bus, watching the world go by. "It's raining cats and dogs!" she said. And you know what? It was. I was glad to be inside with her, instead of out there in the thick of it.
"Where are you headed?" I asked.
"Where the sun don't shine!" she answered.
It turned out she meant the post office, but she had a cute way of putting it.
I saw her again at the grocery store a week later. She was checking through her purse. "Can you spare a dime?" she asked. That dime was more like two bucks, but I was glad to help her out.
"I'd love to take you to the movies sometime," I said. "Would you like that?"
"It's the cat's pajamas!"
So, it was a date.
We had a terrific time at the movies, and went out for drinks afterward. By then, I felt like I was starting to get the hang of how she talked. Mostly.
We had a picnic in the park the next weekend, and she brought a basket and everything.
"Did you bring the eggs?" I asked, reaching for the lid.
She batted my hand away. "Never look a gift horse in the mouth."
Aw. "Does that mean No?"
"The devil's in the details," she said, which I took for a Yes– the devil in this case being mayo, mustard, and a little bit of pickle relish.
But when we finally got around to eating, I was a little disappointed to find out she meant deviled-ham sandwiches instead of deviled eggs.
"Better luck next time," she teased. Boy, she was something.
We started seeing each other a couple of times a week. We both liked a lot of the same things–cheap wine, the Yankees, and watching sunsets. A month later, we were shacking up together. Things were moving fast, but I was okay with that.
I took her home to meet the family.
"Hello," my mom said, as we walked in through the door.
Ida folded her hands around my mother's. "Home is where the heart is," she said warmly.
My parents seemed sort of confused by that, but I'd dated some real lulus in my time, and she was definitely an improvement.
Dinner was a little strange, but I thought it went pretty well. "She seems…sweet," Mom whispered as we left. I called that a success.
Not everyone took to her, though. We ran into my friend Pete at a diner, and I introduced them.
"Birds of a feather flock together," she said. "Bosom buddies?"
Pete stared at her. "Huh?"
"So, how's work going?" I asked.
"Great– I just closed a major deal selling a bunch of fleet cars to a law office."
"The bigger they are, the harder they fall!" Ida chirped.
Pete frowned and looked back at me. "And how about you?"
"People always need plumbers," I said. "Ida's looking for work, though."
"Back to the drawing board," Ida said sadly. "It's like pulling teeth…"
"Ida used to be a cashier at the Food Bazaar," I said.
"It's not rocket science," she agreed.
Pete pulled me aside. "What gives? Your girlfriend's an idiot."
"She's an Idiom!" I bristled. "You're the idiot!"
Pete stormed off muttering to himself. Good riddance.
I sighed. "Twenty years of friendship down the drain…"
"Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater," Ida pleaded. "Bury the hatchet?"
I scowled, but she could be very persuasive. "Maybe," I said. "We'll see."
Clearly, not everybody saw her the way I did. Still, we understood each other, her and me, and that's what mattered.
But then she met this other guy, some kinda whaddya call it–quotidian or something. Rusty had no words of his own, just stuff he stole from other people. The two of them broke it to me all calm and casual like I'd be understanding.
"You can't blame gravity for falling in love," Rusty said. "The only constant in life is change,"
"But Ida, sweetheart," I said, "I thought this was forever."
"All's fair in love and war," Rusty said, like that made it all right.
Ida seemed a little sorry, though. "Every cloud has a silver lining?" she said hopefully. "Things will look better in the morning…"
But then Rusty had the nerve to say, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
I figured he would love a knuckle sandwich, so I gave him one.
"Fools rush in!" he scolded.
I pointed a finger-gun at his bruised jaw. "Yes, you did."
Then the two of 'em rode off into the sunset together, leaving me holding the bag. Hot damn–she and I had been together so long, I even sounded like her.
I went through some dark days after that. It was just me, the TV, and bottle after bottle of rotgut for far too long. Months passed by, and the only thing that changed was the weather.
But one day, I found myself opening the blinds. The sun was out, and people were walking along the street. I decided to join them.
That was how I met her.
Sweet Caroline was what she called herself, and it was true. She was one of those people where no matter what life threw at them, she was happy to be there. And it was catching.
Sure, she liked the Knicks more than the Yankees, but I couldn't complain about that.
We had fun together. We walked in the park, we got ice cream at Eddie's, we danced to the radio on Saturday mornings. She moved in before long, and woke me up on weekdays with, "Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are callin'..."
She liked my parents, and there was no awkward conversation–though maybe some awkward singing.
We wanted the same things, and even talked about having kids. "Got any names picked out?" I asked her.
"Michelle, ma belle," she said, which was pretty enough. I didn't care so much about the particulars–I just felt lucky to have found a good thing twice.
"I fell in love on the night we met," she told me one night, and it was a revelation. I felt exactly the same way.
I had a good feeling about the two of us and our future together.
Someday my name and hers were going to be the same.
–/–
If you enjoyed this story, please vote for it along with any of your other favorites here.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-20 09:34 pm (UTC)"She's an Idiom!" I bristled. "You're the idiot!"
And in the end, I think your guy got a much better match with Sweet Caroline! Constant music seems like a much better deal than constant figures of speech.
Dan
no subject
Date: 2025-07-20 11:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-20 11:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-21 06:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-21 12:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-21 06:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-21 07:36 pm (UTC)He would probably approve, everyone deserves happiness even Yankees fans.
Astros 4 Lyfe. - Oscar
no subject
Date: 2025-07-21 08:05 pm (UTC)Thanks for the vote of confidence, Oscar! And I'm truly sorry about Daddy. It was unexpected AND unfair. :(
no subject
Date: 2025-07-21 09:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-21 10:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-22 04:02 pm (UTC)This was a really fun, whimsical ride. Really great stuff.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-22 04:46 pm (UTC)I think the narrator probably made up with Pete eventually-- though I suspect he never stopped thinking Ida was wonderful instead of... limited.
Thanks for reading!
no subject
Date: 2025-07-22 04:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-22 04:49 pm (UTC)Making idioms into a meaningful conversation was the most fun part of writing this--bringing out how sincere Ida was, and showing that the narrator embraced who she was. :)
no subject
Date: 2025-07-22 05:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-22 11:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-22 11:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-23 12:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-23 05:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-23 05:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-23 08:44 pm (UTC)IIRC, English isn't your first language, which makes English idioms the kind of thing you notice and question rather than overlook.
I mentioned Ann Tyler's "Vinegar Girl" on another post. It has a Russian character who delights in English idioms. I think my favorite was, "phoning it in." :D
no subject
Date: 2025-07-24 02:43 pm (UTC)I need to read that!
Phoning it in is another good one, and "the big cheese" :3
no subject
Date: 2025-07-24 07:50 pm (UTC)What is your first language, and what is your third?
no subject
Date: 2025-07-23 08:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-23 08:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-23 09:35 pm (UTC)