Idol Mini: "All The Old Stories"
Sep. 28th, 2024 10:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
halfshellvenusAll The Old Stories
Idol Mini 24 | Write-Off | 1460 words
x-x-x-x-x
The Fairytale Land economy just wasn't what it used to be. There were only so many princes available to rescue luckless maidens, and some maidens now preferred to rescue themselves. With the stigma lifted on single fatherhood, evil stepmothers were less able to find work. And woodcutters fared especially poorly in the new eco-conscious environment: there were still trees in the forests, but the increase in "No Burn" days had severely reduced the demand for firewood.
Many of the inhabitants of Fairytale Land were forced to take second jobs to keep themselves afloat. Since the invention of the automobile, the Tinker had become a mechanic and spent most of his time repairing Mr. Toad's car after one crash or another. The Shoemaker lacked the means to manufacture the fake leather that was all the rage, and had become a Tailor instead. His Elves tried finding work at a shoe factory, but the rubber fumes made them ill, so they opened a small-appliance repair shop instead. Little Red Riding Hood now worked for Door Dash, and Doc… Doc had hung out his shingle and started seeing patients.
What started out as a nickname and a talent for basic first aid became a full-time profession for Doc. A little overwhelmed at first, he relied heavily on Google searches and You-Tube videos to get the job done. But over time, he built a broader skill set that let him serve the needs of his community.
There was the narcoleptic Sleeping Beauty–a hopeless case, until someone created medication for the condition. Little Jack Horner was managing his diabetes better, and while Doc couldn't cure the twelfth prince who still had a swan's wing on one side, he could at least patch the boy up each time the prince sprained or broke his only arm.
At least the prince was (mostly) human. Doc had never agreed to be a veterinarian, and yet he seemed to spend a significant amount of time attending to Bo Peep's sheep after they caught a foot in a crevice or wandered into a ravine. Those sheep were as stupid as mud, and why didn't Bo Peep get a sheepdog like a sensible person, anyway?
But even group therapy couldn't help Baba Yaga and her forest-witch counterpart, with their cannibalistic urges to eat children. And after years in treatment, Goldilocks' Narcissistic Personality Disorder still prevented her from getting control of her boundary issues.
They were not his only failures.
"Dear lady," Doc would tell Thumbelina, "it has been years now, and you have a wonderful marriage to your very own prince."
"Yes, Doc," she would say, "but I can't stop thinking about how close I came to being forced to marry the Mole! What if I hadn't escaped in time? I have nightmares about being trapped underground forever with that nasty creature and his horrible pink hands. That isn't something you can just put behind you!"
The Beast was another regular visitor.
"I know I shouldn't miss being a Beast, but sometimes I feel so constrained as a gentleman that I find it hard to breathe. And Beauty spends so much time reading her books that she scarcely takes notice of me any longer…"
And of course, there were the kings. The Black Forest simply wasn't large enough for all of them, and every single one of them was convinced that he was the rightful ruler of Fairytale Land, and the others merely interlopers trespassing on his royal domain.
Still, Doc was busy and reasonably successful. With his increased income, he would soon be able to support the other six dwarfs, and he could then continue his (thus far unsuccessful) mission to break their addiction to the mine's hallucinogenic gasses, and get all of them out of there for good. Although it was probably too late for Dopey…
But one day, a patient came to him with something new.
"Something strange is happening to me," the Wolf said. "It's almost as if I've stopped being real."
"In what way?" Doc asked, for the Wolf was clearly visible.
"I feel as if I'm forgetting who I'm supposed to be. A predator, certainly, and decidedly opportunistic. But where is the essential "Wolf" in all of that?"
"Pardon?" Doc said.
"I used to masquerade as grandmothers and sheep. I fought woodcutters and hunters. I terrorized pigs and little girls!"
Doc eyed the wolf thoughtfully. "And now?"
The wolf sighed. "Now I run the checkout register over at Pack N Save..."
Doc spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about what the wolf had said.
It was true, none of them were the same as they used to be. They'd all had to adapt, for economic reasons if nothing else. Doc couldn't even remember the last time he'd held a pickaxe.
But he was happier now, surely? Or was he merely busier?
He was respected by the entire Fairytale Land community, but hadn't the love and respect of the other dwarfs already been enough? The more he thought about it, the more Doc realized that some part of him also missed the simpler life he once had.
He decided to ask some of the other characters for their opinions.
"Do I miss the past?" Snow White asked. "I certainly don't miss the Queen, or her attempts to murder me!"
Doc flinched. Snow White had every reason to be angry, but he also remembered the sweet young girl who had come to live with him and his dwarven companions all those years ago.
Snow White appeared to notice the effect she'd had on Doc. "But we all had a wonderful time together, didn't we?" she said. "And sometimes I miss becoming that spirited young woman who learned to make a life with all of you and take care of you…"
Peter Rabbit admitted that the stolen vegetables from Farmer McGregor's garden had somehow tasted better than the ones he bought from the grocery store, even though he wasn't willing to risk his life for them any longer. And Tom, the Piper's Son, spoke longingly of his days as a livestock rustler: "Never caught, you understand, but it was a close thing! I suppose I'm older and wiser now, but I was quite the lad in those days!"
After much discussion, Doc finally had an idea that he thought might help all of them. He called an assembly to make his proposal.
"What if," he asked the crowd, "we were to re-enact a few of our stories every weekend? It would allow us to re-experience the things we've missed, without giving up who we've become."
The other characters liked the idea, and several clamored to have their stories be retold as soon as possible. Doc put Snow White in charge of handling the applications and scheduling– he remembered how much she liked running things.
Soon, characters began practicing their lines again. The evil Queens sashayed haughtily through the town, and the woodcutters and huntsmen sharpened their axes and knives.
The first weekend featured "Little Red Riding Hood," "Jack And The Beanstalk," and "Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater." The participants were very happy with the results, and soon the whole town was whistling while they worked in anticipation of their own stories being told.
While the dwarfs had never stopped mining, they'd missed meeting Snow White for the first time and having her come and live with them. And the Wolf was so busy, he had to be scheduled on alternate weekends to allow sufficient time to recover.
"I quite missed dying," he told Doc. "It's so restful–much more refreshing than sleep. I wouldn't want to do it every day again, mind you, but once in a while it's nice to shut everything down for a bit."
Doc hadn't been able to persuade the other dwarfs that mining less often– perhaps even limiting it to their re-enactments– might be enough. "We like the gems," they said. "The colors are pretty."
"What if you stayed home and made jewelry out of the gems? You would be able to enjoy them without the poisonous effects of the mine. At least until you needed more gems."
The dwarfs grumbled, but they promised to think about it.
Doc had little time to miss anything, as busy as he was with all of his other duties. Bo Peep's sheep were still getting lost and injuring themselves, and he had old and new patients to attend to. Just recently, Jack Sprat had begun seeing him about gallbladder problems resulting from his wife's obsession with the Keto diet.
Doc was just writing up his notes on Sprat when a new patient arrived.
"Mr. Rumpelstiltskin, please come in," Doc said. "How can I help you today?"
"Well," Rumpelstilskin said, "I'd like to discuss fertility treatments, if you don't mind."
–/–
If you enjoyed this entry, PLEASE VOTE FOR IT in the write-off poll.
Idol Mini 24 | Write-Off | 1460 words
x-x-x-x-x
The Fairytale Land economy just wasn't what it used to be. There were only so many princes available to rescue luckless maidens, and some maidens now preferred to rescue themselves. With the stigma lifted on single fatherhood, evil stepmothers were less able to find work. And woodcutters fared especially poorly in the new eco-conscious environment: there were still trees in the forests, but the increase in "No Burn" days had severely reduced the demand for firewood.
Many of the inhabitants of Fairytale Land were forced to take second jobs to keep themselves afloat. Since the invention of the automobile, the Tinker had become a mechanic and spent most of his time repairing Mr. Toad's car after one crash or another. The Shoemaker lacked the means to manufacture the fake leather that was all the rage, and had become a Tailor instead. His Elves tried finding work at a shoe factory, but the rubber fumes made them ill, so they opened a small-appliance repair shop instead. Little Red Riding Hood now worked for Door Dash, and Doc… Doc had hung out his shingle and started seeing patients.
What started out as a nickname and a talent for basic first aid became a full-time profession for Doc. A little overwhelmed at first, he relied heavily on Google searches and You-Tube videos to get the job done. But over time, he built a broader skill set that let him serve the needs of his community.
There was the narcoleptic Sleeping Beauty–a hopeless case, until someone created medication for the condition. Little Jack Horner was managing his diabetes better, and while Doc couldn't cure the twelfth prince who still had a swan's wing on one side, he could at least patch the boy up each time the prince sprained or broke his only arm.
At least the prince was (mostly) human. Doc had never agreed to be a veterinarian, and yet he seemed to spend a significant amount of time attending to Bo Peep's sheep after they caught a foot in a crevice or wandered into a ravine. Those sheep were as stupid as mud, and why didn't Bo Peep get a sheepdog like a sensible person, anyway?
But even group therapy couldn't help Baba Yaga and her forest-witch counterpart, with their cannibalistic urges to eat children. And after years in treatment, Goldilocks' Narcissistic Personality Disorder still prevented her from getting control of her boundary issues.
They were not his only failures.
"Dear lady," Doc would tell Thumbelina, "it has been years now, and you have a wonderful marriage to your very own prince."
"Yes, Doc," she would say, "but I can't stop thinking about how close I came to being forced to marry the Mole! What if I hadn't escaped in time? I have nightmares about being trapped underground forever with that nasty creature and his horrible pink hands. That isn't something you can just put behind you!"
The Beast was another regular visitor.
"I know I shouldn't miss being a Beast, but sometimes I feel so constrained as a gentleman that I find it hard to breathe. And Beauty spends so much time reading her books that she scarcely takes notice of me any longer…"
And of course, there were the kings. The Black Forest simply wasn't large enough for all of them, and every single one of them was convinced that he was the rightful ruler of Fairytale Land, and the others merely interlopers trespassing on his royal domain.
Still, Doc was busy and reasonably successful. With his increased income, he would soon be able to support the other six dwarfs, and he could then continue his (thus far unsuccessful) mission to break their addiction to the mine's hallucinogenic gasses, and get all of them out of there for good. Although it was probably too late for Dopey…
But one day, a patient came to him with something new.
"Something strange is happening to me," the Wolf said. "It's almost as if I've stopped being real."
"In what way?" Doc asked, for the Wolf was clearly visible.
"I feel as if I'm forgetting who I'm supposed to be. A predator, certainly, and decidedly opportunistic. But where is the essential "Wolf" in all of that?"
"Pardon?" Doc said.
"I used to masquerade as grandmothers and sheep. I fought woodcutters and hunters. I terrorized pigs and little girls!"
Doc eyed the wolf thoughtfully. "And now?"
The wolf sighed. "Now I run the checkout register over at Pack N Save..."
Doc spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about what the wolf had said.
It was true, none of them were the same as they used to be. They'd all had to adapt, for economic reasons if nothing else. Doc couldn't even remember the last time he'd held a pickaxe.
But he was happier now, surely? Or was he merely busier?
He was respected by the entire Fairytale Land community, but hadn't the love and respect of the other dwarfs already been enough? The more he thought about it, the more Doc realized that some part of him also missed the simpler life he once had.
He decided to ask some of the other characters for their opinions.
"Do I miss the past?" Snow White asked. "I certainly don't miss the Queen, or her attempts to murder me!"
Doc flinched. Snow White had every reason to be angry, but he also remembered the sweet young girl who had come to live with him and his dwarven companions all those years ago.
Snow White appeared to notice the effect she'd had on Doc. "But we all had a wonderful time together, didn't we?" she said. "And sometimes I miss becoming that spirited young woman who learned to make a life with all of you and take care of you…"
Peter Rabbit admitted that the stolen vegetables from Farmer McGregor's garden had somehow tasted better than the ones he bought from the grocery store, even though he wasn't willing to risk his life for them any longer. And Tom, the Piper's Son, spoke longingly of his days as a livestock rustler: "Never caught, you understand, but it was a close thing! I suppose I'm older and wiser now, but I was quite the lad in those days!"
After much discussion, Doc finally had an idea that he thought might help all of them. He called an assembly to make his proposal.
"What if," he asked the crowd, "we were to re-enact a few of our stories every weekend? It would allow us to re-experience the things we've missed, without giving up who we've become."
The other characters liked the idea, and several clamored to have their stories be retold as soon as possible. Doc put Snow White in charge of handling the applications and scheduling– he remembered how much she liked running things.
Soon, characters began practicing their lines again. The evil Queens sashayed haughtily through the town, and the woodcutters and huntsmen sharpened their axes and knives.
The first weekend featured "Little Red Riding Hood," "Jack And The Beanstalk," and "Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater." The participants were very happy with the results, and soon the whole town was whistling while they worked in anticipation of their own stories being told.
While the dwarfs had never stopped mining, they'd missed meeting Snow White for the first time and having her come and live with them. And the Wolf was so busy, he had to be scheduled on alternate weekends to allow sufficient time to recover.
"I quite missed dying," he told Doc. "It's so restful–much more refreshing than sleep. I wouldn't want to do it every day again, mind you, but once in a while it's nice to shut everything down for a bit."
Doc hadn't been able to persuade the other dwarfs that mining less often– perhaps even limiting it to their re-enactments– might be enough. "We like the gems," they said. "The colors are pretty."
"What if you stayed home and made jewelry out of the gems? You would be able to enjoy them without the poisonous effects of the mine. At least until you needed more gems."
The dwarfs grumbled, but they promised to think about it.
Doc had little time to miss anything, as busy as he was with all of his other duties. Bo Peep's sheep were still getting lost and injuring themselves, and he had old and new patients to attend to. Just recently, Jack Sprat had begun seeing him about gallbladder problems resulting from his wife's obsession with the Keto diet.
Doc was just writing up his notes on Sprat when a new patient arrived.
"Mr. Rumpelstiltskin, please come in," Doc said. "How can I help you today?"
"Well," Rumpelstilskin said, "I'd like to discuss fertility treatments, if you don't mind."
–/–
If you enjoyed this entry, PLEASE VOTE FOR IT in the write-off poll.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-29 12:33 pm (UTC)- Erulisse (one L)
no subject
Date: 2024-09-29 06:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-09-29 04:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-09-29 06:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-09-29 08:16 pm (UTC)Dan
no subject
Date: 2024-09-29 08:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-09-30 01:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-09-30 05:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-09-30 05:33 pm (UTC)"But even group therapy couldn't help Baba Yaga and her forest-witch counterpart, with their cannibalistic urges to eat children. And after years in treatment, Goldilocks' Narcissistic Personality Disorder still prevented her from getting control of her boundary issues."
LOLOLOLOL.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-30 06:05 pm (UTC)I'm glad this gave you a smile. :D
no subject
Date: 2024-10-01 12:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-01 05:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-01 04:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-01 05:16 pm (UTC)I do love the cracktastic-ness of mixing modern realities into traditional settings. My first story of the season had the Wolf in an entirely different profession (though still terrorizing pigs). :D
no subject
Date: 2024-10-01 08:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-01 09:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-01 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-01 09:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-01 09:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-01 09:13 pm (UTC)And no one ever promised that Sleeping Beauty permanently recovered from her condition. ;)
no subject
Date: 2024-10-04 03:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-04 05:56 pm (UTC)I enjoy it too. There is a lot of rich opportunity with fables, whether it's retelling them or extending them, or whatever you want!
I read a fascinating retelling of Sleeping Beauty earlier this year by T Kingfisher, called "Thornhedge." It was from the POV of the "witch" who was supposed to curse her, and kind of botched the job. The whole setting and re-imagined background were otherworldly.