LJ Idol Prize Fight Write-Off: "Before It Bleeds You Dry"

[halfshellvenus]

Before It Bleeds You Dry
idol prize fight | finale sudden-death write-off | 800 words
Open Topic

x-x-x-x-x

"Ain't nothin' here for us Kyle, you know that. There never was."

My throat's as dry as these badlands we been farming ever since our Grandpa's grandpa homesteaded here. That was the beginning of it all, a dream as hopeless as any man ever had. The land's no good—any fool would know it.

Unless the fool's as stubborn as every other Benson's been living here all these years.

Kyle can't see it, or maybe don't want to. Wishing ain't gonna make it rain, or make the dirt any better'n the dust and rocks we been bleeding into since this whole crazy thing began.

But my girl Jenny knows. Five years of waitressing at the town café, and she's no closer to getting out than any of us.

Sometimes we park out under the stars at the edge of town, and talk about the things that keep us here. That list keeps getting smaller.

"I know Mama would hate me leaving, but that's not enough of a reason to stay," Jenny says. "I've been staying, and I keep on waiting, but nothing's ever gonna change."

"I know the feelin'," I say. If I'm gonna take extra work just to keep food on the table, there's a hell of a lot of places I'd rather be.

Kyle acts like drinking'll change something, but we lost that battle before we were ever born.

"We could leave tomorrow, Kyle," I tell him. I've said it a hundred times over, but he never listens.

"This land's our legacy, Ray," he says. "The bones of our family goin' generations back are buried here."

"I know that!" Damn him, why can't he ever try to let that go? "But dyin' here with them ain't gonna help anything."

"At least I know who I am…"

I sit with Jenny in the shade out back of her parent's barn, staring off into the weeds and holding her hand.

"What are we still doing here?" she asks.

"Hell if I know. It'd be a big step, though, movin' on."

"I know." She breathes out a sigh, and pokes the dirt next to her feet with a stick. "But I can waitress anywhere, and we'd share rent and expenses. I think we should take our chances while we can."

We both know it'd be easier to live together away from here. There'd be no one to complain about wasted money, and no one to judge our morals.

"You ever think this could've been more?" she asks.

"Yeah," I say. Hell, I was raised to believe it all along. "I used to. But not for a long, long time."

I think this town is poison, or that what it does to you might as well be. Our Mama died of cancer here, and working this land and all the rest of it was what killed our Daddy before his time.

I look at Jenny then, and brush the side of her face with my hand. "If you really mean it, if you're really willin' to leave, I'm ready," I say, "I can have my things packed in a couple of hours."

"Really?" I've never seen her so excited.

"You bet. Doin' this together'll be an adventure, and I can't think of anything I'd like more."

I go home and gather up some clothes and food and my radio and pack it all in the truck. Kyle just watches.

"I can't believe you're runnin' out on the farm," he says. "What the hell are you thinkin'?"

"I'm thinkin' this ain't my battle to fight anymore. And it don't have to be yours, either."

"What am I supposed to do?" he says. "There's the house and all this property. It's all we own."

"Sell it," I tell him. "Or pack up the furniture and just move on."

"Ray…" he says.

"You decide to do it, we'll keep a space on the floor for you if you need it, wherever we end up."

Kyle's already hitting the liquor by the time I leave.

I pick Jenny up at her house and put her things in the truck bed while she and her Mama say their goodbyes. Her Mama looks half-broken, but I know that'll be Jenny someday if we don’t get away from this place and what it does to you.

Then we're gone and there's no looking back.

We got the windows down, wind blowing in our hair as we drive out of town on the lone road that leads to everything else.

I turn, and there's Jenny, her eyes bright with tears but underneath her smile is as big as the sky. The highway lies just a few hours further on, open road and open possibilities.

The whole rest of our lives is stretching out before us.


--/--

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Comments

[murielle]

Oh WOW! I think I love this best of everything you've written that I've read. These characters are SO alive and immediate and completely relatable. It's beautifully paced and I love the voices you've created to tell this story. This is neat, economical, tight writing. You don't need a word more to know exactly who these characters are and what they're doing and what they're about. And it's filled with hope! I believe Kyle will put the bottle down and follow Ray and Jenny. I believe they'll build a good life in a good place. I believe!

Brava, K! Brava!

[halfshellvenus]

Oh, yay! What a wonderful comment!

I do love writing vivid vignettes, and actually haven't done many of them for this season. But with this short deadline, this was the kind of story that was called for.

I'm glad you felt it all the way out to the edges, M! And I also believe Kyle will put that bottle down and finally take the leap toward something better than the lost promise of where he is.

Thanks so much for your lovely words!

[sonreir]

Oh, wow, I love this. You capture the complicated family dynamic and the sense of place extremely well.

Beautifully done! Heck of a piece to turn out in the deadline we had. Brava! :)

[halfshellvenus]

Thank you so much!

I made a couple of other starts into different stories last night, but the one that seemed to want to get going had a narrative style that was very similar to yours, which was not particularly helpful. :D

I really feel for people in this kind of situation, with that sense of being trapped by loyalty and by all that they and everyone before them has given. It's those emotions that make it so hard to leave, even when pragmatism tells you it's the right choice.

And it's hard to give up on a dream, even if it was never yours to begin with.

Thanks for your lovely comment!

[sonreir]

I feel you about not wanting to end up writing someone else's style -- I wanted to write humor for this, but immediately squished that thought because I didn't want to have to compete head-on with you! :)

You did extremely well with this, though, and it's distinctly "you", so. Well done! :)

[dmousey]

I could smell the depression era dust, (both 1929 & 2007) These characters come to life under your deft hand! I have enjoyed reading everything you've written! Thank you for penning! 🎈🌻✌🐭😊

[halfshellvenus]

Thank you! That's such a nice thing to hear. I'd hoped this would come across as vivid and heartfelt. :)

Thanks for reading and commenting!

[rayaso]

What a great entry to write in such a short time! You handle the dialogue (and dialect) so well, to create a detailed sense of time and place, and handle the complex relationships. Out of such a dreary, depressing setting, you create hope at the end. One of your strengths as a writer is the variety of entries. They are never the same, especially the last four. I never know what you're going to come up with. You're drawing from a very deep well. You are also excellent at creating an intimate, vignette-style feel, while telling a more expansive story. Great work!

[halfshellvenus]

Thank you!

Writing so many different styles and stories is definitely a challenge, and that doesn't include all the rejects I've left in my wake along the way!

[alycewilson]

I have to feel like, in many ways, this is the story of humanity over the ages. It's how people have spread to different places all over the world. Nicely done.

[halfshellvenus]

Yes!

It is not the first thought we turn to, but in some situations, the harder and braver choice is to walk away and risk the unknown. The New World and the history of western expansion all stemmed from it.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment!

[alycewilson]

Of course! I always love reading your work.

[muchtooarrogant]

"Her Mama looks half-broken, but I know that'll
be Jenny someday if we don’t get away from this place and what it does to you."

Excellent! As others have already said, you capture the depression era tone perfectly.

Now see, since you did this well under a time crunch, it sorta makes you wonder if you should write under that kind of pressure ALL the time? *teasing*

Best of luck!

Dan

[halfshellvenus]

Hahahaha!

Oh, time pressure just makes it all so much harder!

But I appreciate the thought, and your comments. :D

Thanks for reading, Dan!