LJ Idol Prize Fight: "Dreaming Big"

[halfshellvenus]

Dreaming Big
Idol Prize Fight | Week 2 | 1038 words
My Mount Rushmore

x-x-x-x-x

Day 1
Genius idea came to me in a dream last night, one that could save this town from becoming more than a stoplight with a dead 7-11 and a herd of tumbleweeds.

Tourism.

Perfect, right? The only economy we've got around here is agribusiness, so how else are we going to bring people in? Yesiree, there's hope for us yet!


Day 2
Well. Tourism of what, though? This is Kansas. Nobody wants to see wheat fields and tornadoes—except on the news. We need something that'll make people pull off the road and spend some money!

Other places have done it—sometimes with nothing more than corn mazes and giant balls of string. I don't think that'll cut it for us, though. Too ordinary.

What if we mixed offbeat with artistic, which is basically the Butter Cow idea? Except not butter. Or cows. Because it's been done.

This might take a while…


Day 4
Patty mentioned monuments today at breakfast. Now there's an idea! Things like the liberty bell, the Lincoln Memorial, and the mountain with the heads of presidents. Those are way more impressive than corn mazes. Bigger.

We don't have that kind of history around here, but yes, we could potentially build something. I've got tons of land, for whatever we want to haul in and create. I've even got a rocky hill, if we want to carve into it.

So much possibility!


Day 6
I've always loved comic books. Who doesn't? So, I was thinking about a superhero tribute: Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman. I think people would really want to see that!

Maybe giant outdoor paper maché sculptures, so they could be painted different colors? But what about the wind? Because paper maché is really light. I mean, I don't want it blowing away to another zip code. And I'm not sure it'll hold up in the rain.

Great. Sturdy plus waterproof is really limiting. And boring. I might as well be talking about putting up billboards. Better keep thinking.


Day 7
Patty said my superhero idea was trademark infringement. Well, crud. People police everything nowadays, I swear!

Okay, so what else is all-American and makes people happy? Besides PBR and football… Oh hey, what about Mickey Mouse? Like, a huge statue of—

Crud. Patty says that's trademark infringement too.


Day 9
Okay, I've got it now. What's more American than a bald eagle? That's where I'm going to start!

I've got ropes, ladders, and all kinds of tools in the shed. Not sure the belt sander is up to the task, but it's worth a try. And I've done chainsaw art before and—

Well. Patty says she takes exception to my calling it 'art.'

Fine. You know, I really think that woman could be more supportive.


Day 12
After a LOT of work with the sander and sledgehammer, I've started to lay in the basic outline of the eagle. I've been thinking about what else to put up there, and the answer came to me this afternoon when I had to scramble down off the ladder to keep from getting fried by a sudden thunderstorm.

Ben Franklin! Now, there's a guy who could use more love.

As soon as I knock off this bird, I'll start sketching out a plan for him.


Day 15
Well, the eagle's coming along. I've got the front of its face now, which is mostly beak. Kind of looks like a can opener, but I'm sure it'll get better.

The eyes are good, though, and I'll work on the feathers tomorrow.


Day 16
Disappointing results today. The feathers look more like dreadlocks, for some reason.

Patty left to go visit her sister in Tulsa. Indefinitely. She says everyone at church is laughing at us, and it's too embarrassing to stay around here.

Heck, so sue me for being a dreamer!


Day 19
Tragedy! There was a hailstorm yesterday that destroyed all my work on the eagle's feathers. The bald eagle is now truly bald!

My poker buddy Steve says I should have assayed that rock before I started cutting into it. Essayed?

No idea what he means, so I think not. But I'm not giving up.


Day 22
Okay, I've mostly reclaimed the eagle. He's looking better, just further back in the rock than I wanted. I'm going to have to cut the sides back to bring him out again, but I think I'd better get started on Ben. The hair and the glasses are going to be a challenge.


Day 25
My neck and back are killing me. Who knew all this banging and chiseling would take so darn long?

Ben's nose is looking pretty good, not too big. The glasses, though—making that flat vertical surface on the front is even harder than I thought! This could take a while.


Day 27
So, the glasses. That really didn't work out.

I chipped a chunk off the left one by accident, and it was pretty much hopeless after that. But Ben didn't always wear glasses—I've seen plenty of pictures of him without. It's too bad, though, because he won't be as recognizable without them. The lower half of his face was kind of a mudslide, to be honest.

I guess tomorrow I'll remove the rest of the glasses and sculpt eyes there instead. I'm kind of looking forward to the end of this project. Seems like Patty's been gone forever. I'm starting to miss her.


Day 28
Sonofabitch, this whole damn project is cursed!

One little tap, that's all—just one!

Instead of removing the bridge of Ben's glasses from his nose, the whole nose came off. All of it. Damn it!

Now what? I rework the whole thing as a sculpture in negative space? I just don't see there being a huge audience for that.


Day 31
Patty's back. Says I should put my tools away before tornado season comes and somebody gets hurt.

At least she didn't say "I told you so." I'm kind of surprised.

It's good to have her home. I guess I might have gone off the deep end a little there.


Day 47
So, here's the thing: I'm thinking of building a giant replica of the Statue of Liberty...


--/--


If you enjoyed this story, you can vote for it along with many other fine entries here.

Comments

[static_abyss]

The persistence is kind of admirable and also I really enjoy the style you chose to tell this story. Great piece!

[halfshellvenus]

I really like persistence as a character trait. :D

I'm glad you enjoyed the story and the style. This very much wanted to be the saga of a doomed project, but one in which the narrator has no idea it will go so badly. :O

[bleodswean]

Hahahaha! I would take a detour to see a Kansasian's attempt at Mount Rushmore! Definitely! I liked the style you chose for this.

[halfshellvenus]

Hee-hee! I think this might have wound up being close to Mount Sludgemore by the time the elements and the narrator's lack of talent were done with it.

So glad you enjoyed it. :D

[kehlen.livejournal.com]

Hahaha. Poor Patty :)

[halfshellvenus]

I know! She sounds like such a killjoy until... Oh. ;)

Glad you liked it!

[sonreir]

Oh goodness, his poor patient wife!

This was a treat. :)

[halfshellvenus]

So glad you enjoyed it! It was fun to write, too. Self-deluded characters are among my favorites. ;)

[meridian_rose]

LOL :)

[halfshellvenus]

Glad you enjoyed it! :D

[the_eternal_overthinker]

Haha! This was brilliant! a very clever take and I enjoyed the style and the characterization . Well done! Kudos!

[halfshellvenus]

Thank you so much! Glad it gave you a smile. :)

[fausts_dream]

Hilarity ensues....

I dig it....great stuff as usual.

[halfshellvenus]

Yay! So glad you liked it. :D

[kimschlotwrites]

If the Statue of Liberty doesn’t go well, he can try the Liberty Bell. If it cracks, it’s not a problem!

[halfshellvenus]

Haha!

I could easily see his projects getting smaller and smaller, physically shrinking with each new failed attempt until there's barely any rock left.

Kind of like the intended Stonehenge stage prop in "Spinal Tap" that becomes something dwarfs are skipping around. :O

((so disappointed that it's 'dwarfs' and not 'dwarves', which makes more sense to me for some reason))

[bsgsix]

This was a brilliant take on the prompt and very enjoyable to read. I actually snickered a few times, and it's hard to make me laugh right now. VERY well written and captivating.

[halfshellvenus]

Yay! I'm so glad it brought some humor and distraction into your life!

I could really envision the narrator's horrific creations while writing this, and how much worse they became with each accident or assault-by-nature, even though the narrator himself was somewhat oblivious.

Clearly he's pretty happy in his own personal interpretation of things, and that is not necessarily bad. Unless you're married to him, of course.

Thanks for reading!

[rayaso]

This was wonderful! I've read it three times now, and it always makes me laugh. The idea of an inept Kansan building a tourist attraction is ludicrous fun, and so silly! You wrote this with such an economical style, yet kept it always fun. A "stoplight with a dead 7-11 and a herd of tumbleweeds" creates a whole picture of the town in only 10 words, but I knew exactly what you meant. I loved the ending. I'm glad Patty came back. He comes to the realization that he "might have gone off the deep end," but then plunges ahead with the idea of a giant replica of the Statue of Liberty. You can't hold a genius back!

[halfshellvenus]

So glad you liked it, and noticed that line! Nobody has commented on the can-opener beak yet, but the horror of that idea was too good to pass up.

If enthusiasm and energy were all you needed to make something succeed, this guy and many others would change the world. ;)

[megatronix]

This story is a lot of fun! I like the way you told it, the day by day accounts. This is great!

[halfshellvenus]

I picked the day-by-day approach because I thought it would be better for eliminating a lot of random narrative that didn't really add to the humor, so I'm glad people are liking that! I think it helps bring out the reality of what's happening vs. what the narrator thinks is happening, and makes it easier to read.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

[bewize]

I laughed aloud during this. Good job!

[halfshellvenus]

Yay! That's the best thing I could hope for. :D

[dmousey]

You have to admire his persistence and perseverance, but there does come a point where enough is enough. You never disappoint. Thanks for penning! ✌😊~~~d

[halfshellvenus]

Hahaha-- I know. Persistence can be a really good thing, unless you're bone-headed and you really SHOULD give up.

But of course, it's so hard to know when you're in the middle of it all. :)

[encrefloue]

Hahaha! I love the thirteen day hiatus between the last two entries. Just enough time to make it up to Patty, lick his wounds, and then completely forget the lesson. So very... American! Loved the silent-yet-not Patty as a foil to the narrator. Enjoying these humorous takes!

[halfshellvenus]

Thank you!

I'm glad you noticed that gap at the end, and your description fully covers it. All is well and settled until another wild idea strikes, and it's back to the insanity all over again!

[tatdatcm]

I really enjoyed the humor in this and the persistence despite all the set-backs. Kind of a tongue-in-cheek "try, try again".

[halfshellvenus]

Yes-- try, try again, but maybe you really shouldn't!

Because you're way in over your head...

Glad you enjoyed this one. :D

[flipflop_diva]

Heh. This is such a fun, great read! I love the style you wrote this in and I love the narrator. Especially when he's commenting how Patty could be a little more supportive. So great. A+

[halfshellvenus]

Thank you-- and I'm so glad you noticed that comment. She COULD be a little more supportive, but by the time you reach the end of the story, you have a much bigger idea of what she's putting up with.

Which even I didn't expect. She kind of evolved in the background as I wrote this, and I developed some real sympathy for her. ;)

[murielle]

This is delightful and funny and sweet.

"Disappointing results today. The feathers look more like dreadlocks, for some reason." Love this!

Great take on the prompt!

[halfshellvenus]

Can you imagine how truly dreadful the results of that project must have been, all along the way, if even the narrator realized how bad those feathers were?

Though possibly people would pay money just to see something that misguided and weird. ;)

Glad you enjoyed it!